I'm so fucking heartbroken. I just spent the better part of an hour responding to a comment, then I hit "reply" and my message just disappeared. Nowhere to be found. So, I write it all out all over again, and the same thing happens. Luckily, this time, I saved a copy locally before trying to post the comment. I guess it's just too long to be posted as a comment, so I'm making it a separate post here.

Specifically, this is in response to this comment on this post.

I think the dictionary definitions are lagging behind the lifestyle definitions and have become a kind of term of art.

No, they are not. The dictionaries are correct, and the "lifestyle" definitions you refer to are extremely convoluted, primarily as a result of the mass proliferation of misinformation over the Internet through the past twenty-odd years since the rise of social media.

To me, a cuck is an emotional masochist. He gets off on negative feelings that may include things like jealousy, humiliation, rejection, denial, shame, etc. The exact recipe varies a lot from cuck to cuck, but masochism is the essence of it from what I read from self-described cucks. The pain is the point.

And that is the whole point of my post: today's "cuckolds" are not really cuckolds at all. They may be "men with cuckolding fantasies and a desire to be cuckolded", but really, they're just confused and seriously misinformed.

Jealousy aside, the vast majority of what is now incorrectly attributed to "cuckolding" actually originated in BDSM. The rejection, denial, humiliation, and shame you refer to are all masochistic kinks which have nothing to do with cuckolding at all.

The type of "humiliation" involved in true cuckolding is the result of the cheating wife's actions. It's not about the masochistic BDSM verbal humiliation now so often falsely attributed to cuckolding. A true cuckold experiences humiliation all on his own without anyone having to say a word to him.

A true cuckold is not on the floor jerking off while his wife talks shit to him. That's not a "cuck". That's a "gimp", like the one from Pulp Fiction. A real cuckold is at the bar drinking himself to death trying to figure out where the fuck he went wrong in life and how to get a divorce without destroying his family, his reputation, or feeling like his entire life up until that point was a complete fucking waste. I know because I've been there.

A stag may experience negative emotions, but they are obstacles, not turn-ons. The pain, if present, is NOT the point.

Truer words have never been spoken. I completely agree with you on both of these points precisely because you have outlined the key difference between a "cuckold" and a "stag." For the cuckold, something happens TO him, and for the stag, something happens FOR him. While a cuckold is forced to face what happens and has no choice, the stag has a choice, and he chooses his own destiny; he asks for it by name. The stag knows what he wants, and he knows the costs. There is a risk, but he wants the reward, and so he pushes forward. The pain is therefore self-inflicted. Luckily, for the stag, the reward not only motivates him to push forward through that pain, but it also helps him to reconcile himself after.

I see a LOT of cucks use the term "hotwife" for their spouses, so I think that one belongs equally to stags and cucks. Cucks encourage their wives to fuck other people, same as stags, another way the dictionary definition of "cuckold" doesn't fit. Deception isn't necessarily or even usually a part of it, power exchange is.

That is because everyone is confused by the great disinformation machine that is "the Internet." Cuckolds DO NOT encourage their wives to fuck other people. It just happens to them. Their wives cheat on them, and there's nothing hot about that. Cuckolds are not married to Hotwives. They are married to disloyal, unfaithful, cheating wives; the type of wife who is commonly referred to as a "Cuckoldress."

The term "Hotwife" was coined sometime back in the 90s. I couldn't tell you exactly when or where, but it originated in the swinger communities and became sort of a buzz word that I myself recall first noticing sometime around 1996. Of course, this is back before the Internet took hold of our world and ran away with everyone's minds.

Back then, those of us who were tech savvy and wanted to communicate with others around the world had IRC, various bulletin board systems and newsgroups, and some other forums at our disposal. This was back before "Google" even existed, and the closest thing we had to "social media" was AOL profiles and chat rooms (for those who were willing to pay the premium).

How is this relevant? Well, I've held numerous polls on multiple platforms over the past couple of years asking my followers some personal (but not personally identifiable) questions, such as what age group they're in. This is what led to certain people believing that I was trying to monetize my content and accusing me of being a liar and a hypocrite. Actually, I've only ever asked for my own edification, but I digress.

By a landslide, the 18-30 age group always takes the lead, which means that the vast majority of people who follow me (and therefore, by extension, people who are into "cuckolding", "hotwifing", etc.) weren't even alive when "Hotwifing" became a thing, or at least, they were still in diapers.

That's not to say that a word cannot evolve or that they are wrong, even; but for many of us who have been around for a while and whose knowledge and experience extends well beyond "what the Internet has taught us", the term "Hotwife" has never had anything to do with cuckolding, and we stand firm on that. As it is said, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

It's not a completely clean delineation between them. Some stags might get off on mild forms of some negative emotions. They often talk about the "good jealousy" and some anxiety. A little teasing from their hotwife might be really fun for them. But tugging on jealousy a little is so different in degree from cuck scenarios that it becomes a difference in kind, to me. There seems to be a pretty clear grouping between the two, with clumps of dudes at either end and not as much in the middle.

Bullshit. Yes it fucking is. You just said it yourself. Cuckolds DO NOT ask for what is done to them, it just happens to them. Stags, on the other hand, dive in head first and not only ask for it, but often spend a LOT of time conditioning their wives and their relationships to bring it to fruition.

Yes, "Stags" experience negative emotions, and yes, there is a lot of "bad" feelings that "feel good." But the "difference in degree from cuck scenarios" you speak of is due to the fact that the humiliation so often associated with cuckolding in the modern Internet culture is based on confusion and misinformation, and is mislabeled masochistic BDSM-style humiliation as previously mentioned.

They do share a love of watching (or knowing about) their wives sexual adventures.

Bullshit. No they do not. "Stags" get off on the idea of their wives being promiscuous and fucking other guys. True cuckolds DO NOT love what's happening to them and it's not a turn on, either. Again, this is the MAJOR difference between "BEING a cuckold" or "BEING cuckolded", and "HAVING fantasies of being cuckolded." In reality, most "Stags" are former cuckolds like me who experienced some shit that fucked them up and broke them and made them develop such proclivities in the first place.

Cucks may be downright studs and absolute stallions in bed. One hotwife asked for help with her husband who was into SPH but as a tall, heavily muscled and hung beast of a man gave her nothing to work with! It's a persona to slip into for a sex game for a lot of these guys.

Yet again, just another example of proof that most people (seemingly, including yourself) are confused between "cuckolding" and a plethora of other otherwise unrelated kinks. This all originates from porn.

Do you remember back when porn was sold on VHS, and you had to go to a special store to buy it, or put in a mail order to get it? Like, back when, even if you could find pornography on the computer, the only thing you could find was stills (photos)? Back when you could start downloading such an image, go outside to cut your lawn, come back, and still have time to watch the bottom half of the image rendering?

That's about the time the porn industry was realizing that they needed to make some moves if they ever wanted to grow out of the shadows and become mainstream. At the time, a lot of porn was based on violence, and that just wasn't doing so well anymore. The hippies came along and demanded more peace and more sex, and the yuppies just made everything worse. Suddenly, society was becoming too polite for the "roughies" and other pornography that persisted from the 60s and 70s which were based more in violence than eroticism.

Not to mention, there were porn stars coming out as "whistleblowers" (for the record, this is not to down anyone who was actually a victim of any crime) claiming that women, once "used up" and "no longer useful" in porn, were being slaughtered like pigs in snuff films. Truthfully, most of them were probably just trying to parlay their careers into something more meaningful by gaining the sympathy of the public, but I digress.

Law enforcement had started taking those claims very seriously, and the FBI was getting involved. There were raids, studios were being shut down, and people were being thrown in prison. Pornography became a dangerous business, and they needed to make some changes, and fast.

At the time, swing culture, including swinger parties and clubs, were on the rise, even in more affluent communities. A whole lot of people had become open to the idea of sharing their partners sexually, and the porn industry, having realized this, quickly capitalized on the idea.

Of course, porn writers have never been that imaginative, and most porn stars aren't the best actors or actresses. You may have noticed that most porn films (those with an actual plot/storyline) take a close second only to soap operas in featuring some of the world's worst acting.

Most of the people involved in the making of early "cuckold" porn had no real (or very limited) understanding of swinging, much less cuckolding, but they had some ideas based on blanket generalizations and a lot of assumptions. They combined elements from BDSM with the concept of cuckolding to make something that was as appealing as it was risqué. That shock value is what sold because even more than sex itself, TABOO sells.

Roughly, the first iterations of cuckold porn went something like this: "What is this, a video of a man just sitting there reading the newspaper while his wife is in the kitchen making muffins? Well, she sure is pretty. Oh, wait, who's that other guy!? No! Oh wow, he's bending her over the stove and fucking her while her husband sips his coffee! What? This is crazy! But, wait... ooh, mmm... That's kind of sexy! I'm getting hard to this shit!"

It evolved from there. The long story short is that THE PORN INDUSTRY molded all modern "cuckolds" by convincing the world that what they were showing in their productions was "cuckolding." However, it was not then, it is not now, and it never has been. "Cuckold" porn is, at best, a hodge-podge of kinks, and a mostly over-exaggerated mockery of true cuckolding that could be considered blasphemy by those of us who have actually experienced the real thing.

That early porn started a tidal wave of literature (erotica) and other creative works, and along the way, the rise of social media did little more than contribute to the chaos and confusion by paving the way for the mass-spread of this misinformation, disinformation, and propaganda... not to mention all the porn sites that popped up everywhere across the world as Internet speeds and bandwidth increased.

But, then again, cuckolding was not the only thing being peddled by the porn industry. By the early 2000s, they had tried or were actively trying everything in (and including) the kitchen sink. Look up "Rule 34", a term coined when people (before social media existed) began to realize that the porn industry had lost its fucking mind and nothing was off-limits or sacred anymore (i.e. incest, bestiality, and every other imaginable kink).

And all these things I mention happened twenty-odd years ago now. Today's young adults grew up in the height and peak of all this. Most of what everyone under 40 knows about sex is entirely based on what they learned from porn, and that's all a bunch of fake bullshit intended to sell for its shock value if nothing else.

Another hotwife had a cute story about getting railed while her husband watched, kneeling on the floor. In the moment she said something she thought was too harsh and "broke character" to look at him with concern. Hubby broke character back and winked at her, as if to say, "Nice one, Hon! Carry on!" I don't know that every cuck couple plays like that, but it fits what I understand of other niche sexual interests.

"Other niche sexual interests" being the key phrase here, and the sole premise of my argument: stop lumping everything together. Even most of the people out there who ARE NOT into any of this are under the incorrect assumption that anyone who shares their wife (or is turned on by the idea) is a cuckold.

I guess what pisses me off even more than the fact that there's hundreds of thousands of confused people all mislabeling themselves and fucking themselves up in their heads over such misinformation is the fact that I can't even search "cuckold porn" and find actual cuckold porn anymore.