Feb, 2022:

I wanted to write a little bio post for those that are interested. I'm currently working doing experiments on plants and measuring differences in the plants using various analytical chemistry instruments for several agriculture related companies.

• Sex posting

I've always had a high sex drive when dating someone, but never used to masturbate to completion until I tried doing it in front of a mirror over the pandemic, lol. That led me to posting on Reddit. It's been great for my sexual and mental health because it encourages me to masturbate and also to connect with people. I guess I'm a closet exhibitionist, because my anxiety means public displays are not fun for me in any way. I want the lights on and my partner to see me, but doors and windows locked and shut tight, haha.

• All about ADHD

I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD very recently, in 2020, because the pandemic broke me. I had no idea I had ADHD. I was previously misdiagnosed with depression and medicated with an SSRI antidepressant that was somewhat helpful, I think because it helped my anxiety, and later tried bupropion (Wellbutrin) and that helped me get through undergrad, I think by actually treating the undiagnosed ADHD because bupropion is sometimes used for ADHD off-label. Now I'm taking Adderall xr and strattera to much better effect. Also, and I really can't emphasize this enough, taking a walk every morning while listening to music and sipping coffee has helped me so much. It's great exercise and keeps me toned, and puts me in a great headspace.

A podcast is another great option, I recommend checking out ADHD for smartass women (regardless of your gender). Tracy is focused on the ADHD paradigm (school of thought) that frames ADHD as a neurological difference that has advantages and challenges that you can basically hack, once you get some hacking tricks. Medication isn't helpful for Tracy so she uses exercise first thing in the morning, and tons of other tricks. Modern psychiatry basically frames ADHD through a pathology model and not a difference model, such as the YouTube series of clips you can find by Russell Barkley about the essentially ideas for ADHD. These aren't unhelpful ideas, but basically tell you without telling you that ADHD makes you broken. ADHD for smartass women is the opposite vibe, and I found it incredibly refreshing and made me actually feel there are positives to having ADHD as well. I particularly enjoyed episode 23 and 24:

Episode 23: ADHD and Rumination

Episode 24: What Does ADHD Feel Like

I'm grateful to be diagnosed and correctly medicated now, but it's rocked me. I've done a lot of self reflecting since my ADHD diagnosis in September 2020, as well as ADHD coaching on a weekly basis for several months (thru zoom, through the center for living well with ADHD, in Minnesota), and I'm finally learning how to work with my brain instead of fighting against it. I've been a raw nerve my whole life basically, taking everything personally and desperately wishing I could stop doing so. Things are feeling easier, but I had to grieve for my past self and all the hard, intense, and often overwhelming emotions I've lived with all my life and thought were a part of me, but they're actually a part of being neurodivergent (as opposed to neurotypical) and medication has changed the person I am emotionally. That's hard to face. Amazingly though, I feel like I'm not constantly chasing after my thoughts all the time now, as they infuriatingly slip through my fingers. I don't hopelessly burn out partway through the day as often now. I'm just as smart as my friends it turns out, who were always honor roll while I did fine but got B's and hated school.

I'm realizing that my anxiety has helped me compensate for my ADHD, and I'm realizing I also choose friends who have some level of chaos in their being/life, because I've always been good in a crisis (because ADHD) and I like fixing things and supporting my friends because it makes my feel good and useful. My brain feels useless a good chunk of the time, I now know that's because ADHD. Sometimes, but not always, I choose friends who thrive off my support, but when the tables are turned and I need some grace or support or reassurance, it is a great affront to them because I've essentially never asked them for anything inconvenient. We've done whatever activities and had a good time and talked about our accomplishments and our problems together, and now and then I'll talk them down or put out a fire, normal friends stuff. Except when I'm needing more support, it doesn't seem to go both ways. In other words, I'm growing and still learning a lot about myself.

• Political compass test

Fun fact I'm an anarchist apparently lol based on this politicalcompass.org questionnaire: (1) My political compass (2) All possible results

• Friends, interests and hobbies

I love queer people, Black people, Asian people, indigenous people, brown people, immigrants, refugees, disabled people, people receiving government assistance, wealthy people, people with substance use disorders, and lots of other people. I like talking about science, research, dancing at shows, coffee and pastries, grad school, ADHD, mental health, plants, psychology, gardening, farming, baking, trying new foods/cuisines, tattoos, outdoors, traveling, sustainability, and influencing global drug policy reform. I enjoy recreational cannabis (concentrates or edibles, not very much smoking for me and no cigarettes/nicotine at all). Taking a morning walk to get coffee at a cute cafe is one of my favorite things 💘

• Miscellaneous musings and drug reform thoughts

I think it's funny that we simultaneously seem to believe at some level that everyone around us actually knows how we feel (and heck them all for pretending they don't!) but no one else could possibly know how we feel or relate to what we're going through. What's that about? I do it too. The constant American need to struggle more than the person next to you? Why do we have to earn our stripes in this country. Needing help isn't inherently shameful, but we shame it culturally here.

Basically I'm live and let live; help those who need it. For example, I'm down to decriminalize all drugs and all sex work because that really only criminalizes specific people, and that makes them vulnerable to abuse.. often it's the people most failed by society too, imo. Here's why I think cannabis should be decriminalized everywhere (more text)

❤️Talk to yourself like you talk to your best friend. You deserve patience and love too. Learn to love yourself first and the magic happens next❤️

•💉 Fully vaccinated.

I got J&J in April 2021, was a little tired the next couple days but otherwise fine. Vaccinated and unvaccinated people appear to both transmit covid still :( I don't see many people because I'm in grad school. I don't go out to eat because I'm broke, but I would feel nervous eating inside if I did because I'm scared of getting long covid where everything I eat then tastes like onions, or body odor, or something else foul 🤢 Fully vaccinated young healthy adults can get really sick, I've heard of two such people my boss knows. Both were fully vaxxed, both had Pfizer. One was really sick at home for 5 days but was able to stay home, the other was hospitalized and intubated but recovered. I wish everyone would get vaccinated, of course except for those people who can't because they are immunocompromised, too young, allergic to one of the ingredients, etc. I really don't want to fight about this please.