From the time I was 5, I loved movies. I have seen so many of movies and whenever the hero or heroine used to have their heart broken it always felt like something must be stolen from them or I assumed. I always used to resolute love with something that we really liked. Turns out it is so much more than that.

When I write broken hearts, it's not just losing that person whom you gave your everything, it's losing that only person who made you feel worth living, not like your family members or friends don't make you feel that. It's just different, If you have gone through something similar I guess you would know. It's like something from your life is missing and it's gonna take really long to find it, you know where to start looking from but you can't look there.

And then you just start talking to yourself and justify it why they did what they did or maybe it's me who isn't worth that person's attention or love. Self doubt crashes your confidence, make you question yourself that leads to pushing people away and eventually that silence which is the loudest. The silence you can't run away from. It makes your head ache and chest empty. But we aren't gonna talk about it.

So when I saw this girl, I imagined my future. Which is something I always do and comes naturally to me. I m an overthinker. But I wanted to do everything right for her because she deserved that. I knew from that moment that I would go to any length to be with her. Even if it means giving up on being the person I m. She was worth it. And I feel like I don't have any regret for that. I told her even the smallest of things which bothered me and she made it vanish away like it never was important.

But then I don't know what happened, instead of focusing on the beauty of our relationship and how amazing it was, we started picking up things which wasn't. It's like that painting which everyone loves but the artist because he knows what is wrong with it. What he could have changed or made better. And that's where this story starts. That's when heart started breaking.

LOVE, it has so many definitions. It is literally like anything could mean Love and I always wondered what it meant for me. Apparently I figured it when I didn't have the person I loved.

So I m adding one more definition or maybe you already know it but still want to read about it. So here it goes, it's when you are alone and you care about their pain even while you are hurting, you want to be selfish but it's them who is more important than you, it's love when before you go to sleep you just want to see them even if you are fighting and whatever she is gonna say is annoy you but still you want to listen or just see her, it's also when you make the complete fool out of yourself for them and they can't do the same for you, you want to stay and make a complete mess out of your life. It's also love when you know it's probably it for you guys, she might never be with you again, you tell yourself that things will be different if she does come back. Whenever you go in denial, whenever you had to fight the feeling, you know the person isn't right for you, still you do what you do. That's love.

Now you would be thinking it's about broken hearts and I m talking about love. Well you need a hammer to break the glass. Love is the hammer. You had to know what broke it. So Broken hearts is when you want to scream, be silent but you just lay in your bed all day, it's when you try to go to sleep, you still think about the person who broke it.

It's just broken heart is a symbol for losing everything you had and feeling that emptiness in your heart. It's the only thing which you know how to fix but you don't have the strength to fix it anymore. It's the only thing which you don't care about anymore because you just believe that the next one is probably gonna do the same. Fix it in order to break it. I mean it's like I don't even want to try and collect the pieces anymore. Nothing feels worth it. I know it's a phase. I will probably move on. But rn I just need the pain of it to not run out of my eyes. But it's broken hearts, even that isn't is in our control. I want to eat but I can't eat more than few fries. I want to look at myself in the mirror but for whom? Why does a heart break makes you question things which you didn't care about when that person was with you? Why does everything else that mattered stopped mattering because that person stopped caring about it?

You probably have stopped reading because it feels like a rant. Well. Heart breaks are sad. I m atleast trying to make it interesting for me. Maybe you should try to do it too. ciao? untill next time!