This all happened a few years ago, when I was 19 and had just moved out to another city to attend university. I am 26 now, and while it definitely stuck with and changed me, Ive come to terms with it and accepted it, maybe even embraced the kinks it brought. I grew up in a muslim household and for the most part of my life had a pretty strong belief, and it is also very apparent that I am an immigrant.

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During the first weeks of uni, there were a few events so that the students could get to know each other better and connect. Of course, I went to those too, and while I did not drink alcohol, I did go to the bars too and had a really fun time. I came to talking a lot with a guy there and we got along really well. Afterwards, when uni started in earnest, we studied together a lot and generally became friends, and while I was in no way attracted to him, I liked spending time with him a lot.

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Roughly three months later, after we had a few exams, he came over and we cooked together. That night, he changed. Or maybe he just showed who he really was, but he started saying stuff he never even hinted at before. Racist and anti-muslim remarks and insults, sexist comments, then he grabbed my ass while I was at the stove. Thats when I had enough and wanted to throw him out of my apartment, but he decided different. I couldnt force him out because he was stronger, and I couldnt get to my phone to call anyone, and he just forced himself on me.

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He groped my body all over, got his hands under my shirt on my tits and eventually also down my pants and started rubbing and fingering my pussy, before pulling them down and getting his cock out. At this point I was just begging him to stop, I was shocked and didnt know what was happening or why he was acting like this, but he just laughed and continued with his racist insults. He forced me to bend over a chair and pushed his cock in my pussy, I was a virgin before so that really hurt a lot but he just laughed at my pain. Thankfully it didnt take him too long to cum, but I was terrified when he did and I could feel it inside my pussy, and I was shocked when he used my hijab to wipe off his cock.

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He then threatened me and said noone would believe an immigrant whore like me anyway if I told anyone and that hed make sure I regret it if I did. So I did keep quiet, and I am a bit ashamed to say that he used me several more times after that, each time leaving me embarrassed and humiliated enough to cry.

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But in a way, today, I am a bit thankful to him. I dont know if thats fucked up to say, but I guess he opened me up to the world of sex and kinks and while I do not enjoy being humiliated and dehumanized, it does give me pleasure, more so than anything else I ever tried. And I think it is because of him that I am nowadays drawn to misogynistic, racist men who treat me as a subhuman means to get pleasure, which is something I used to hate, but ive accepted it, since I cant change it anyway.