We often think of the safeword as a way to stop things from happening, but it’s the other way around. Without a safeword, when someone shouts no or screams, you must stop. The existence of a safeword allows you to push pass those signals and that is a lot of fun.

One problem is that sometimes we don’t safeword even though we should. Some reasons might be: - To avoid ruining the mood. - To show off. - To keep a clean record of having never safeworded or having never safeworded with a given partner.

• Because they forgot they could, because they got lost, they are in subspace, etc. Story time! I once bit someone really hard… repeatedly. It was fun! But the next day, when I did my usual day-after check, she was in more pain than I expected, applying ice to her wounds. That’s not necessarily bad, she said she was ok and we had fun, but I didn’t know I bit her that bad and I got worried. Also, I would have loved to be the one applying the ice.

Because of that, I invented safeword drills (although I’m sure I’m not the first nor the only one to do it). I normally do the safeword drills the first or second time I’m playing with someone, definitely before play gets serious. I chose a way of applying pain that allows me to slowly and linearly increase pain, such as twisting a nipple. Then I tell them I’m doing a drill in which I expect them to safeword, and I apply pain until they do.

I achieve several things with that: there’s no more no-safeword record to maintain, they already broke it. I also show them what I do during the safeword: I stop, give after care, ask them how they are doing and when they are ready, we go back to play as if nothing happened. That way they learn that safewording is safe, that I will take care of them and that the mood will not be broken.

To try to mitigate people forgetting their safeword or that they can safeword, I normally pause before things get too hardcore and ask them to say their safeword, then I ask them if they are ok to proceed. That way, it’s very present in our minds, mine and theirs.

I feel that doing these safeword drills have helped me build trust in both directions, about intent and skill. I have played very hard, with no issues at all. I highly recommend it.