This note is here mostly to put future partners at ease bc I wanna share this incredibly cool account of one of the wildest years of my sex life, but I don’t want to freak them out with the dark parts. Sex is complicated for me!!! But now I know how to have it while existing fully in my body, connecting with partners, and engaging in kinky stuff mindfully. If you are reading this and we have plans to smash, please trust that I am making the right choices for me 😎

So!

I’ve talked about sex addiction a lot on this profile so I would like to make an update! I’m not sober from sex addiction right now — as in, I’m having a fair amount of casual nasty sex — but I also feel kind of ok about where I’m at? Not sober but not drowning. A little kink as a treat.

I’ve been not-sober for about 10 months. I also “relapsed” on weed but idk about the word relapse because it‘s kinda judgy and suggests that linear progress is the only progress. Weed was ok for me for a bit, until it wasn’t. One week sober again from weed! I hate it but it’s worth it because I feel like a genius when I don’t have weed in my body.

I no longer identify exclusively as a sex addict. Now I identify as both a slut and an addict in recovery. I am enjoying being slutty, but keeping the recovery part in mind. The past few weeks have gotten a little crazy in terms of sex so I’m backing off a little, and it’s cool to know how to back off! Sometimes my worst sex addiction urges come back but I’ve learned how to ride them out.

Where I’m at now: I have a bunch of trauma w anal so now I am focused on having a lot of anal and guess what! It feels great to explore! But it’s not the only way I’m healing — I’m also doing EMDR. I say it’s all valid. One is just a little more depraved.

Idk this is word salad. What I’m saying is, it’s fun to have fun, I will always have this addiction, and ideally the fun and my health can peacefully coexist.

Feel free to read the stuff about how bad sex addiction is, but keep in mind that I am doing a lot better in life and the worst of it is not as bad as it once was.

Thanks for reading my public diary!!!!