prefacing this with three things:

​

1. No, I don't have the video. And I definitely wouldn't send it anyway for really obvious reasons.

​

1. Dude in question is very much dead now, so I can't ask for more details.

​

1. I have absolutely no recollection of this being recorded, so I can't tell you my personal thoughts on it.

​

I used to talk to this guy who was pretty much there for me in every stage of my life, including when I got assaulted. He was actually pretty active on rapekink. When I got raped, he wanted some of the videos, which I very happily sent him. Fast forward a few years, my rapist got caught, I had to delete the videos, forgot most of it from trauma, and me and the guy lost touch, until I found him again around last year.

​

I asked him about the videos, and I don't have our chatlogs anymore, but this is how he described it from what I remember:

​

I was zoned out, riding my assaulter. I wasn't smiling or not smiling, but kind of inbetween, like a discomfort? Whimpering, but I was bouncing up and down on him like I loved it, hands on his chest. Avoiding eye contact with the camera, as I was (and am still) camera-shy. It kept slipping out so I had to put it back in, and that was really all.

​

Pretty underwhelming description, I'm aware, but I also know some of you guys are into the more random parts of my assault. Thanks for reading :P!

​