Dear beloved friends,

I deeply apologize for my silence on the last 2-3 months, It's been a tough ride and I owe you an explanation to the least for all the love you have showered me with.

For a bit of context, I'll start with the story like all stories start: from the crazy chaotic middle. I joined Reddit in a desperate attempt to find friends, people to relate to, someone to have something to talk to. I've been battling my depression and anxiety for 2 years by the time I clicked sign in and feeling lonely due to real-life keeping my friends on different paths from mine, I was devasted from a broken heart and I was slowly but surely building myself back on.

Reddit gave me the easiness of finding people with the same interests as mine, and along the way I found you. Now, I'm back in a deep hole of depression and anxiety given my current financial situation. Despite doing extra hours, trying to be as frugal as possible, I'm stuck on debt and replying via snail mail it is impossible to me now, not only financially but time-wise: I'm at work most of the time and barely have time to exercise or sleep to keep my mental illnesses at bay. I'll find a way to get out of here, but in the meantime, I'm on job that can be gone soon and it is out of my actual profession, and to the least writing these lines are such a hard thing to do through the shame and anxiety.

I promise you I will reply back to your letters, boxes and love, but not right now. For much as I wish, for much as it pains me to, I'm not on the position to do so now. I hate that I cannot write, I could not do my snail mail, as usual, I missed all my holiday cards, my letters to my penpals, my tea sent to you, ahhhh... I ask for your forgiveness and for your understanding, I wish I had found the right choices in 2010, at least in 2015, but when I did on 2017, a huge snowball kept building on. My option to you is to write over Reddit or email if you feel comfortable with it. I consider it unfair for you to invest your time, money and lovely skills to have a digital reply back when time lets me, so please use the digital means to do so.

I regret not being able to much or to invest in the wonderful people I recently met, and could not build as previous me would have done. I will be back, I do not know how or when, but I will. Just have me on your thoughts, drop a wish upon a star or your god. Trust me I hold you all dear to my heart and you are light under this darkness.

My best to you all.