When I was going through the final stage, about 3 days before the end, of my break-up I wrote long a 2,400 plus words thing. It was never meant to be posted, I wrote it because I needed my pain somewhere else outside my brain, I wrote it so I'll have the strength to leave my ex. Out of impulse, I posted it in r/r4r, of course, that post is deleted now. I still have a copy. I don't think I can post the whole thing but I still do want to share snippets of it.

Here it is.

i - y - a - n - e - s - s - i - e

I have rewritten this sentence I think thrice now so I'm just going to say again, fuck it. I want to be a goddess, a queen, a lady, a wife, a girlfriend, a whore, and a slave at the same time. A goddess who you worship, a queen who you are loyal to, a lady who you respect, a wife who you provide and love, a girlfriend who you flirt and enjoy, a whore who you fuck, and a slave who you use. Yes, all of that at the same time. And if you are connected to me by some invisible force I know I will do all of that for you too, you will be my god, my king, my lord, my husband, and my boyfriend. Why not also the other two, because fuck being a feminist and I want to be owned by a man... A real man. Who can fuck me into submission but also make me smile. A strong man who will make me feel safe, protected, and provided. He will use me, and only me, for his pleasure and to relieve his stress but will find peace and solace in my arms. He can be silly and be a boy with me. He can have long conversations with me and have long nights in bed fucking like animals. A man who I will give myself completely, and be the center of my existence, and I will be the center of his existence. Completely, mind and heart, body and soul, I will be his and he will be mine. You will say or whisper 'mine' as you hold me in your arms while I cook for you breakfast, lunch, or dinner, in bed before we go to sleep, while we shower, while you plow, fuck and bite me, while we watch TV, in between sweet kisses and intense make-out sessions, all the time as long as I'm inside your arms. I want to be yours...