Hey y’all, I’m regularly asked what I’m looking for on Reddit, so this serves as an extended answer to that question. There is a lot that I do want but what I do not is important as well so this writing does focus on those factors.

As my profile says, I am polyamorous and kinky. These orientations create the potential for relationships that are outside of the norm of the heteronormative relationship escalator, which is to say that I am not looking for exclusivity, to “settle down” or to get married. While it is the closest phrase used in mainstream to describe my preference, I dislike the term FWB as it has been commandeered as a phrase for men to use to fuck and then fuck off. It’s not that the act itself is a problem, it’s that women are being lied to about the intentions of men. I’ve previously internalized those transgressions, but I know now that I deserve better and will get better from elsewhere.

To put it simply, I’m looking to date and do spicy activities. If I enjoy spending time with someone and our schedules align, I continue seeing them. There isn’t an expectation for a defined relationship, just for your effort, respect, and consideration. If I’m trying to fulfill something specific, I make a post here or on r/atlantar4r.

There was a time where the opinions of men held value to my existence, but recent reflection has adjusted me back to what matters: prioritizing my own impressions. If individualistic thinking is self-obsession, I’m selfish as fuck! If you weren’t already aware, being a woman guarantees experience as both the powerful and the demeaned. When considering my identities as a Black person, a Queer person, a disabled person, and a traumatized person on top of womanhood, there isn’t any room for chauvinism sans a scene where a man is the Dominant and proper negotiations have been made. So, I am no longer concerned about how others perceive me and my desires.

One thing I've already learned at my age is that women cannot be satisfactory to the world no matter what they do - I will always be a bitch to some, I will always be a whore to some, I will always be materialistic to some… What point is there in appeasing conventions I don’t believe in when I know individuals that do align will eventually connect with me?

Quality over quantity is an overstated phrase, but it wouldn’t be if it didn’t have merit. Unless you’re dropping a bag, there is no obligation for me to speak to you unless you meet my standards. Before I go into those, I will clarify what particulars are impassable for me. If your aim is a platonic relationship, do disregard the next paragraphs!

I do not interact sexually with those under 21. I do not interact with those I am not sexually attracted to and/or that are married or in an attached relationship without compensation - several methods accepted, inquire in a chat message. I do not do acts I am not comfortable with, even if it’s occurring in the moment. I do not do oral for or have penetration with those who do not give me cunnilingus. I do not interact with those who do not prioritize their sexual health and get tested regularly.

As for what I do want: I am largely attracted - regardless of appearance - to women, nonbinary, trans and Queer individuals, as the attraction is separate from the heteronormative experience that comes with men. In sexual contexts, I enjoy conventionally attractive men, especially if they have a nice and/or cute face! I especially enjoy white men, fit men, and skinny men. Dad bods are also accepted, but you better be able to pick me up! My mentioning of such does not mean I only interact with white men; I will be clear and state that I am open to all racial/ethnic backgrounds but I have a preference for interracial matchups. I also have a requirement for larger penises… Since the average penis size is 5”, that is the bare minimum I accept. Men that also smoke weed are a plus as well!

I prefer men who are generally aware of their desires and limits, and if applicable are open to unconventional activities. I am a switch, so many possibilities exist! I don’t mind those that are inexperienced and unsure what exactly they want, but I must see some effort made so I don’t feel like I’m leading the charge in every aspect (unless we negotiate such!).

Lastly, I prefer those who understand that it’s perfectly reasonable that I want to be wooed (per some examples in Enchanting A Rainbow). I need to be shown through your actions that it’s worthwhile having you in my life… If they aren’t to my satisfaction, I have no doubt that another man would do so instead with less protest.

Sending love, light, and lust into the life of each reader! 🫶🏾✨😈

~ Rainbow