I often summarize my orientation as, "I'm a lesbian." That's definitely not fully accurate. I thought I'd take a moment to explain.

I'm technically pansexual – because 'm not into the idea of writing-off potential partners based upon their answer to a single question, such as, "what is your gender?"

We all can (hopefully) see how only dating a certain race, or only dating cis people, or etc. can be problematic. It can often play-into systemic prejudices & biases, depending on which way you tilt your axis. Regardless, it's reductionist, in ways that can be either discriminatory, or result in the fetishization & objectification of a person down to an attribute.

Those are things I don't want to internalize & subscribe to along any axis – including gender, so I don't delimit my orientation along that of gender.

That said, here are some things I will say about my orientation:

I'm very attracted to the concept of femininity. It pulls me in, allures me – intellectually, emotionally, physically, etc. It resonates deeply with my soul and my inner-world – so much so that I identify with it as my own gender. It's something I love and adore, and cherish, and connect to with deep empathy

So if you're a woman? I am more likely to see you through a lens of attraction. I am more likely to understand your beauty.

And perhaps more importantly, I am more likely to understand your inner-world, the paradigm of how you relate to things, as you and I identify as the same gender. Deep-empathy & connection are the core of my sexuality, my romantic drive, my attraction as a whole – so I am much more drawn to those I can relate to.

On the flip-side, I am very put-off by the concept of masculinity.

On a societal level, there is so much toxicity embedded in the construct of what-it-means-to-be-a-man. I have bias against it, absolutely.

If said concept resonates with you in such a way that you decide, "yes, this is my identity"? That makes me... wary. It sets up a context not of attraction, but of caution.

Meanwhile, having been subject to the terms "boy" and "man" cast upon me, without even being shown there was another option, for all of my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood... I have internal aversion to these things. I do not relate to them. I do not want to relate to them. I do not want to have empathy with men, or feel what they feel. That isn't my internal world, and I do not want to invite it in.

All of this goes doubly for cis masculinity. Cis men most often have never even thought to explore paradigms of gender. Cis men often have not dismantled, examined, or even acknowledged, the toxicity cast upon them. I am extremely wary of cis men.

So that ends up meaning:

If you're a woman, I am predisposed to empathy & attraction towards & with you.

If you're a man, I am predisposed to wariness & aversion towards & with you.

It's absolutely possible for me to be attracted to a man. It's happened many times. And it's always in spite of his gender. It's been because something else about him – musicianship, for instance – has connected with me so deeply, that I connect to him in spite of my aversion to his gender.

Given all of this, it goes without saying that I am also very able to be attracted to nonbinary people, gender nonconfirming people, etc.

We might not share femininity in a way that I can connect to, so I may not be predisposed towards attraction – but I'm certainly also not predisposed towards aversion.

And as I can connect to & empathize with your experiences of transness, there's already a modality for empathy

Finally, I'll also say – as it's super-relevant for this account in particular... being forced to violate my orientation, and do things with people I'm not attracted to? It's a super-big kink for me. The complete sexual objectification of it... it's very, very hot