I am the kind of person who is afraid to commit because of too many things. Last year, however, I took the bravery pill and pursued this girl. We met during the campaign. What can we say, Sa #GobyernongTapatMagkakajowaLahat, right???

She was... very attractive. I could get lost in those doe eyes. Her lashes are to die for. Her nose, I could trace 'em up all night. And those lips, damn those lips are heavenly. I will forever love her hair be it long or short. The moles on her face and body are constellations I can only connect and play pretend that her entire body is the universe. She was my universe for quite a while, frankly. She is forever my girl crush.

She is very mysterious. And it would require you to sit and have a sip of coffee to really get to know her. Every time I look at her, all I can see is art. Her hands produce art. Her mind is an art. If I can stay inside her brain, I would. My need to get to know her is so intense. And it felt like a privilege to have her in my life. Like this delicate work of art said yes to be with me. Damn, my list could go on and on and on...

It does not help that her soul felt familiar - like I have known her from a past life. For once in my life, I felt that I have met my soul's mate. She understood me on a very spiritual level. She was me and I was her. It felt that way for quite a while.

But just as Leni lost the campaign, our story was not meant to last forever. The almost 12 months of being together are not short of fights. And to say that it was full of complications is an understatement.

It was me who initiated the break-up to save a part of my soul that is not broken yet. It felt that the person I knew at the beginning was not the person I was leaving.

The pain feels tenfold because even though it was me who broke it off, I feel rejected and replaced right away. She agreed with my decision quite so fast that frankly left me unbothered until days after... like, what happened??? Only to find out that there is someone. And the worst part is this someone did not know about my existence. She was falling deeply like I was a year ago... I wanna tell her to run, like run as fast as she can. My ex has been preyed upon when she was younger, and now her demons are eating her to prey upon any good thing that passes by her.

Now, I am in limbo. I find myself crying at the most random and awkward places like the grocery store and the tricycles or like in the public just walking... It is too painful. I do not know how to describe this pain. And it feels like I am gasping for air, sinking in this pool of pain.

How, how do you unlearn to love someone? Where do you start? How do you mend and heal? How do you survive this?

Last year, I took a risk, I said I wanna be brave. This year, here I am, my heart handed back to me in pieces. T_T

Originally written: April 13, 2023