I feel like I'm not allowed to cry, never allowed to show just how I feel; like if I cry and show my anger, my hate my frustration, my devastation that I will be told that what I feel isn't real.. That I'M not real, that what I feel doesn't matter, what are my feelings compared to hers, his, theirs; I feel invalidated, insecure, unwanted, unlovable, INVISIBLE.

I don't even know why I'm still fighting to be seen, to be heard, to be LOVED; when the ones who are supposed to love me are the ones making me feel the worst about myself what's the point of trying anymore? The only reason I haven't just disappeared is because it would kill my mum and I try my damndest to not upset her because she's the only one anymore who even tries to make me feel good about myself.

But when the only one who has been in your corner from the beginning doesn't REALLY see how your feeling day in and day out and no one else seems to care and you've been waiting for years for someone to be on your side, someone to make you feel safe, someone to just give a DAMN about you and not tear you down for making a small mistake...

I feel like I've lost my voice; like what's the point of even trying to talk when they don't listen, when they refuse to hear you, when they refuse to believe you, when they refuse to see that you're trying your best but you're drowning under the weight of their expectations of you...

What's the point of staying when you could just disappear and not feel like your not good enough, like your a waste of space, like what you feel doesn't matter, like what you want doesn't matter, like your dreams don't matter... like YOU don't matter...

What's the point?