I've made a few posts about some personal things I have gone through. And if your wondering about me, why I don't post as much or things like that. It's just because I don't feel like myself that often anymore. I know by this point I'm never going to get closure. It's been nearly 3 years and I'm a shell of who I once was. For a brief moment in time, it seemed like I was exactly who I am 100%, I didn't have to hide or suppress myself for who I am.

I was vulnerable, let all the walls down, and I was absolutely decimated.

I thought that maybe closure from this moment would help, but it never happened. I came to the realization that door has been shut. It's not going to happen. I'll never know the results. With that, I still don't know how to move on.

I will keep moving towards finding myself again, I still enjoy the little things and the big things. Certain times something does work it's way in. A song, a place, a moment of déjà vu and it hits me like a ton of bricks all over again.

I guess that's what led me here today. A simple song played and the overwhelming emotions set back into my chest, tears flowing, and I know that there is no closure. This concept is unreachable.

I guess it's just time to let thar sink in and keep on with the small things and the big things that bring me joy. Even though I'll never know, I won't give up the hope, that somewhere things worked out better than on my end. Maybe that's my closure, just figuring out how to place that hope on myself.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading, I just needed to get it out there. Writing and putting it out in the world, helps me process it. Thank you.