It's hard to be comfortable with new people when you have an avoidant personality. It's hard to know if you're going to have the right vibe with someone until you're there in the room with them. But sometimes you can connect with the right person and it feels like you're in the room when you text.

The worst part about having an avoidant personality disorder, is that you really and truly want to connect with people. You want to have friends, enjoy going to parties, talk to the girl at the bar, and not be afraid of criticism. But no matter what you try, you're still afraid, still running hamster wheels of potential bad scenarios in your mind and there's no way of escaping the cage.

But that desire is still there, that desire to be with others and experience life the way we fantasize about. And that desire burns so intensely, that we continue to put ourselves out there no matter how uncomfortable we feel. The desire for life can't be quelled and it can't be satisfied, that's the way it feels.

And I envy those who have enjoyed life without fear of rejection.