A month ago my partner and I finally broke up. I could feel that they weren’t into me anymore and no matter how hard I tried to deny it and shrug it off I couldn’t just ignore the obvious distance anymore. I called them the day before six months and asked if they were happy, they hadn’t liked me romantically anymore for a while and we ended things.

It was awful at first but I’m not as suicidal as I was. I guess the stress of being in a failing relationship was worse than simply being alone again. Things went fairly well and we aren’t on bad terms but I’m back to being lonely again.

It’s embarrassing but I have this I guess imaginary friend “liam” that I use to cope with being extremely lonely. I started crying yesterday from stress and feeling lonely and lacking emotional support. I am aware liam isn’t real, it’s not a delusion nor is it a replacement for the real thing. The goal is always to replace liam with real people at some point but I just started sobbing because I wish I had someone I connected to who could soothe me like that. My ex could near the beginning and that was extremely nice. I’m really missing that now.

I constantly have to soothe myself. I don’t want a friend solely as some sort of therapist, in fact I want the opposite. I just wish I had some friends to go out and get distracted with from time to time and feel secure, like they won’t up and disappear or I won’t swiftly become tertiary .

I want someone to /really/ like being around me and want to hang out and go do things. I’ve started investing in personal hobbies more, there’s a lot of things I enjoy and wish I could share/do them with others.

I feel mildly suicidal today, not nearly as bad as this time last month but I really do want to feel better.

I can’t wait until Liam is a forgotten distant memory and I’m surrounded by friends that I connect to and love and who equally love me back.