You ever feel like such a fuck-up that after a few minutes of thinking about being said fuck-up, you think, "Eh, what are you gonna do?" That's me. I forget things easily, which Ma calls bullshit on, but it's a fact. Things that I don't deem important or small things go out of my brain, or I get thoroughly distracted and forgot what to do. Today's a good example of me being a fuck-up and forgetful. I forgot to turn the light above the back door on for Ma before she got home. This has happened several times before, but today I forgot because I was taking a nap. She woke me up by quickly yelling at me and we haven't talked after that, yet. The times it's happened before today has been because I was distracted by something else, whether it be anime, memes, or homework. If I looked up while doing homework, I would remember to do it because where I sit while doing homework is right in front of the backdoor and the light switch. But I don't and I forget, making Ma mad at me yet again.

I paint myself as the observative type, but I really have tunnel vision when I'm looking for something or doing something. When I'm not doing anything or looking at something, or listening to someone/something do I get observational. Me feeling and thinking I'm a fuck-up comes from me doing all that type of stuff just about every day in some way, shape, or form. I make mistakes so often, I just embrace it and that's just apart of my being, like everyone else, but up to eleven. To make it worse, I don't try to better myself unless I have to or really want to, meaning I have some motivation to overcome the 'fuck it' and move toward the 'fucking do it', which doesn't happen often. So normally I just feel bad about feeling bad about feeling like an ungrateful, piece-of-shit, fuck-up kid that won't amount to anything because I don't try to fix myself, while not fixing myself because I'm lazy when it comes to my upkeep.