As I progress through my online dating adventures I have met some people who have talked with me about my past and I've come to realize... It's a lot.

In an attempt to help my future partner and new online friends better understand who I am I decided I should write about myself.

Like all of my stories... this is complex so it's lengthy. I'm doing my best to provide the details I can while also trying to remove what I can to keep this streamlined.

I'm going to start at the beginning. Work my way from there.

I was born in Tampa. My mom and dad met in the mid 80s and by 89 here I was. I am the eldest of 3 children. I have a younger brother and I had a younger sister who passed away a few years ago. That's another story.

I was born with a visual impairment. One of my eyeballs doesn't work as well as the other. The nerves that connect my eyes to my brain never fully developed. I have to wear glasses in order to see. I was also born asthmatic. These birth complications are common from soldiers exposed to agent orange in Vietnam.

My dad was a marine during the Vietnam war.

He comes from a bit of a broken home. He's tried very hard his entire time being a father to be the sort of father he never had. He was raised to be the sort of strong man who doesn't show emotion. The Marines beat discipline into him. By the time he got back to the states he was ready to go to work. He's the hardest worker I've met. He never stops. Even in retirement now he is still at it finding new tasks and odd jobs to complete.

Mom's a mass communications major from the local University here. She lived with my grandmother while going to school and working. She wanted to be a journalist and was working for a local news station at one point even. She's always been very empathetic and extremely caring. In touch with current events. She's someone who has always tried her best to do right by her family and instill good values in us.

She met my father at a charity function by happen stance. After hitting it off in person they ended up getting breakfast after the event and now they're married all these years later.

They are definitely my role models for a relationship in many ways.

I was raised with traditional American values in the 90s. I was taught to try new things. Keep an open mind. Be kind to others. Look out for the little guy. Share. To try and imagine being in another persons shoes.

My dad had raised me watching History channel. Every Sunday my church was learning about world war 2 vicariously as my dad would watch some documentary or war movie about the time. He was fascinated with the history and handed that fascination to me. The years of 1910-1946 are some of the most formative years in human history.

My parents did not realize it but I was exposed enough to the horrors and atrocities of the Nazi regime to understand "NEVER AGAIN" meant something and how evil some people can be.

Something I also understood growing up in Florida. The 3rd state to succeed from the Union in the Civil War. Where literal remnants of the industrial complex of slavery had taken root and still remain as reminders for us to see.

I was always a liberal person. I can remember being heckled as a kid because I agreed with the fundamental belief women should be able to have autonomy over their bodies. My mother was a staunch liberal and was very outspoken in my youth about her beliefs.

The parents of the girl I grew up across the street once told me I supported "baby killers" because my mother supported Clinton. A grown adult telling a child this because they simply told them their mother votes Democrat.

I was able to see through the insanity very quickly. I have always known the conservative agenda to be one of oppression. I live under its thumb to this day.

I have been crying about the overturning of Roe since 2000.

I grew up in the South. An area where almost every person is/was Christian. Where politics is a team sport and Red team is supreme! The heart of the old confederacy...

You could very much argue I have always been a Union boy living in the Confederacy.

I was no stranger to racism growing up. I saw casual and overt racism ... almost daily. It was disgusting and I always knew it was wrong anytime I saw or heard it. Even as a child.

The worst offenders were the white people who would constantly come into my families favorite Mexican restaurant as we dined and would insult the staff for not speaking English and telling them to "get out of our country and go back to theirs."

These people are vile, repugnant and beyond reprehensible.... and I'm outnumbered to them where I live unfortunately. (And Trump has only emboldened them.)

And a good chunk of them are armed on top of mentally ill as well as not the most educated.

When I was 6 my parents decided it would be good for me to enroll in Cub Scouts and I also wanted to join a Karate class because of my love for super heroes like Batman and Spiderman, power rangers and of course.... the Ninja Turtles. My absolute favorite growing up.

I did pretty well in Karate but the mentality of the dojo I was in was just not one I appreciated. I remember being a little intimidated at times by students/instructors. I was also young. But I tried my best!

I ended up leaving Karate. I'd gotten a good fundamental teaching in it. The biggest core belief I had learned was that you only used what you learned in the dojo for true self defense.

You don't use martial arts on someone unless you HAVE to.

My father hated bullies. A lot of why he was OK with enrolling me in martial arts was because he wanted me to be able to defend myself from bullies. Something I would end up facing a lot.

I was always a little odd ball growing up. I have ADHD so I was eccentric. My vision disability growing up made me really bad at things like catching a ball in sports or running very far/fast because of asthma.

This lead to me being a little heavier as a child because I stayed inside more often playing video games.

I didn't have to be fast or see the best in order to shoot great in Halo! I CRUSHED my friends in video games while they ran circles around me in football.

Dad had made sure to teach me some basic military doctrines/survival skills as a kid. People don't understand just how much a little information can do for someone with the right mindset.

By the time I was shooting Nerf with the neighbors I knew about cover/suppressing fire, assaulting when attacked, taking cover/defensive positions whenever possible and other basic tactics that I was formidable in things like hide and seek/manhunt, air soft and paintball as well despite my vision.

The best part of martial arts was that you had to be close to someone to do it and I had to practice it without my glasses so it was a perfect sport for me to engage in. And asthma made sure I couldn't flight in a fight/flight response so I just trained for the fight.

By the time I was 13 I had reached the age of Boy Scouts. I was friends with all the same kids I had known since I was 5. I was in a big city but in a small suburb. The local schools all catered to the same areas so my elementary, middle and high school years I was surrounded by the same people.

My mother would basically go on to be the PTA president for a ton of my school years from Elementary and some what into high school even. She was very involved in things and knew pretty much every other PTA mom on campus... so they and their children knew my mom and I.

I was not a very "popular" kid in my opinion friends wise... but in hindsight I was friends with a good chunk of kids and I tried to be nice to everyone. I wasn't perfect. I was a proper little shit at times myself. But I absolutely tried to be the most decent person I could be with my understanding of manners at the time.

There was, as always, clicks tho. "the cool kids" and such. I had a couple boys in my class who considered themselves to be "cool kids". I was a little goofy looking and a loud weirdo so I never really fit into this group but was friends with enough of them individually.

I was mostly friends with the other nerdy guys. I was still friends with some of the cool kids and I was def social enough as a kid that I'd consider myself "normal".

I had enrolled in a Taekwondo class and was learning a new martial art at an older age. Absorbing things much better and in a much more positive environment with incredible instructors.

I would eventually go on to spar and train against men and women who were athletically capable of being Olympic level contestants. I had to really bring my A game to the dojo if I wanted to hold my own... and I held my own.

I was no stranger to getting hit by 13. I'd sparred enough as a kid to know that having the wind knocked out of you is no fun. I never wanted to hit anyone unless I had to. One time a younger kid starting beating on me and I couldn't bring myself to raise my fist to him because I understood this kid just didn't know any better.

I had also picked up my dads attitude about bullies. All my idols despised bullies. I despised bullies. To this day the only person I'll ever bully... is a bully.

At 13 I wasn't some prize fighter or black belt protege in secret... I was just a decently knowledgeable kid with a basic understanding of fundamental skills and muscle memory practice.

What follows is the first event in my life to set the overall tone for the rest of it.

I wouldn't know this at the time but I would eventually understand that this incident was my first time having to deal with covert racism in the deep south and hard core bullying.

I would even end up the target of massive cyber bullying in the infancy of cyber bullying.

I was on a Scouting camping trip. The older Scouts and I were with some younger scouts and our leaders. We were in another state out at a week long camping ground.

Everything was normal heading to camp. I remember we all had our gameboys out on the car ride there and had been playing games with one another for hours. Nothing was really odd or out of place.

The older scouts had mostly gotten into one van while the younger scouts had gotten into another before heading from Florida to the the mountains to camp.

I had not been aware of this but since before we had loaded into the vans to head out of state a few of the older scouts had started to instigate a manufactured outrage between two younger scouts.

The goal was to get these two young boys to fight one another.

Apparently some of the older scouts had been telling these young boys things the other had said that the other had never actually said. Things like "Boy A said something about Boy Bs mother." and such.

The two younger scouts were a young black boy who was on the smaller side being only 11-12. He came from a rough home situation. He had not had a strong male model in his life and was in scouts for more male role models.

The other younger scout was this large burly white kid who was not very bright and quick to temper... which is why he was chosen by the other older scouts to incite.

The older scouts had started to pit these two against one another. I had never seen this myself first hand until things had come to a dangerous boiling point at the end.

The Scout Leaders had left camp to go grab supplies from a grocery store near by. The older scouts had been left in charge.

I had been spending time on this trip with some of the older scouts mostly perched in a hammock in a treeline on some hill. We'd found an area we could hang out at and snack/relax between badge classes with shade and breeze.

We had finished classes for the day and the sun was starting to go down. It was a nice breezy evening and I was running around playing tag or something with some of the younger scouts (of which my little brother was one.) and suddenly there was a ruckus.

I went to the main camp fire area and I saw the two younger scouts that had been being pitted against one another physically getting into an altercation.

I instantly leapt. I rushed into between the two of these boys and I pushed them apart from one another.

Before I could say anything I was rushed by 3 of the other older scouts. Three young boys who I had known for a long while.

One was behind me pulling me back while the other two had each grabbed one of my arms and were hauling me back.

I'll never forget what one of these kids said to me:

"Let this play out Ian. This will be good for them. Boys will be boys."

I said "Ok." relaxed my arms for a moment to have their guards down...

Then kicked the one behind me in the genitals. Threw the one holding me with the weakest grip off me and then kneed the one holding me still hard in the gut/groin.

"Boys will be boys." I remember thinking as I rushed to the two younger scouts still trying to go at it.

"ENOUGH!" I yelled and I broke the two younger scouts up once again. "Anyone wants to fight they can fight me."

In that moment... I was king of the hill. I was ready to beat the snot out of any boy who raised his fist to me or any other kid there.

Most of the scouts there knew I was in martial arts.

Everyone stopped fighting.

Eventually the adults returned. Learned about what happened.

All the scouts had to be separated. Interviewed. Asked about what happened. Who had done what.

The older scouts had managed to chop my hammock down from the hammock area and burned it in a fire of "ritual sacrifice" to rid me of their social group.

The leaders called a meeting. They verbally scolded the older scouts and had them give me an apology. Eventually these boys would become Eagle scouts. Crowned members of the community.

I quit scouts. The punishments for the boys involved in this bullying had not been consequential in any way. The only one punished was me. I was ostracized socially for YEARS to come after this.

Eventually, as time would go on, I would come to realize the heart of what I had been a part of.

In my mind I believe firmly these boys, from conservative backgrounds, had racial motivations behind this bullying, and had intentionally picked the biggest/angriest kid to terrorize this young boy.

In the South being racist out loud is bad. The racist knows they can't be racist out loud. So they do things covertly. They talk in whispers. They only hang out with people who agree with them. They shun those who do not.

I have always seen my actions and beliefs as the reason for why I was made a black sheep. That the people who viewed ME as the problem... are the sort of people who are an actual problem.

There's a much deeper issue of racism in the south than people in the country are willing to admit. They're not even willing to TALK about slavery anymore with Project 2025.

Secret societies are also a major issue that we don't talk about. While secret organizations have been around for a long while they're especially prominent in the south.

In groups and out groups. Those above and those below. And those above decide who is in and who is out.

These young boys might have been doing some "boys will be boys" stuff in some ways.... but subconsciously I think these boys did things not knowing they were engaging in something very vile.

Or maybe some kind of did. It's hard for me to really say. Some of these kids never really gave me a sincere apology for these actions and I'm still talking to them today years later.

I lost all of my friends it felt like because of this. I had no idea which of the older scouts were really in on all of this. A good chunk of them seemed to be siding with the ones who had jumped me.

These older scouts would eventually recruit other non scout boys into a "gang"/club of sort that was based mostly on hating me. I was the literal "enemy" of this group. Spending time online writing comments like I should kill myself. Wasting air by breathing. Ugly. Fat. Some anonymously. Some not.

These boys made threats to jump me at my bus stop. One had a gun and a car.

I trained hard. Harder than I've ever trained in my life. I learned everything I could. I spent my free time watching videos on different techniques from what I studied to know everything I could.

By the time I was 18 I knew three martial arts, could spar/fight an adult man bigger than I am (and i was big) and be capable in situations with an armed opponent.

I even told some of these boys where I trained. Offered them to meet me on a mat. That I'd give them gloves. We could settle things with fists. They never accepted of course.

This choice to intervene rippled into my families life as well. My parents and siblings had to watch/deal with their own social falling outs as a result of what I did. Especially my little brother.

Parents of these boys stopped talking to my mother at PTA as nice as they used to.

Dads stopped talking to my dad as much as they used to.

My family had a bit of a dark period where we had to deal with the social ramifications of something so simple as my just doing the right thing.

This was just my first major trauma. At the heart of my issues with racism and supremacy is this issue.

Anytime I hear about something in the news racist I remember this incident. I think about how much doesn't make the news.

How many of the people who live in my neighborhood secretly subscribe to racism/supremacy of some flavor? How many in my state? My country? The world?

I, as a young boy, had a better fundamental grasp of our world and its societal layers than some adults did.... I was more mature than some of the adults who had to figure out what to do with me.

This was the birth of my PTSD.

The origin of "The Conqueror" as I would be nicknamed later.

I bested 3 boys and was ready to fight my entire troop to stop the atrocity I saw unfolding.

I knew right from wrong and I was someone who was willing to act when I saw it. Without hesitation I leapt...

and I would do it all again.

I stared being out numbered and "different" down because I knew it was right.

I looked racism in its ugly face and spat in it.

That day I became king of the hill... . And I've been waiting for someone to come try and knock me off this hill since.

And I train every day for it.... after all...

Boys will be boys.