Ah, this is weird but I guess this will be my public diary.

Over the last year of my being in NSFW spaces, I've learned a lot, felt a lot and even grieved a lot. I learned quickly that pleasure comes with pain and real life will always prevail in making me feel singled out even if it's for a few seconds of heaven.

But as the world is crumbling I feel quite detached and guilty for enjoying those pleasures now. Because no matter what, I am reminded that I am an afterthought. I came here thinking that my suggestions would not fall on deaf ears but I am reminded that when you're a minority, you are an afterthought.

I just want to be me freely without pain and sadness or feeling like I will wince at words that single me out.

But I am glad that I found those that don't make me feel that way. And that to me is heaven. Where I can frolic and not feel the world grabbing at me at every chance it gets.

• Star ★