Probably because it is. Or is about to, at least.

I spent 15 hours on the side of the highway in a remote area, with a dying phone, waiting for a tow truck for the first new car of my life. It was Mother’s Day. All that way, and I didn’t get to see him. She told me, “I’m selling my house, and we’re moving 6000 KM away.” I could go on about all the things this brought up, but I’ve been at a loss ever since.

Then this week I went to work on Monday morning on about 10 minutes of sleep, after two hours of sleep on Saturdays, and driving all night on Sunday. Tonight my phone buzzed. It was my mother. She asked me if my neighbours have told me whether or not they were evacuated yet. I didn’t even know there was a fire, and here it is on the doorstep of my entire world, and there’s nothing I can do to save it. It was the same thing last summer for the rest of my family, and now it’s my turn. I’m 700 KM away and there isn’t a thing I can do to stop it, and no insurance to rebuild anything from the ashes.

I’m still holding on, but most days I’m just not sure what for.