Just a rant post, nothing more.

I like men. I hate it. Not because "it's wrong" lmao it's perfectly fine being gay. It's just, I like men. I want a man. I want sexual and romantic intimacy with man, and yet, I don't understand men. I have trouble talking with men. I have issues connecting with men. I'm hella extraverted, I love socializing...but I'm mainly good at it with women and kids. Grown ass men, the ones that aren't creepy predators, it's just so hard. Meet a guy and try to maintain a connection through texting and get to know the guy...it always ends the same way: the conversation fizzles out bc the guy isn't interested in getting to know me. Doesn't ask any questions, but is only interested in answering them. Once the conversation fizzles, that's it. If it gets to that point, a lot of times the dude just ghosts me, out the blue.

And here lately, it's not even been about wanting a man romantically or sexually. Just wanting a guy friend, companion, still can't have that. The one dude that I'm kind of close to, idk guess his ass is busy bc I haven't heard from him in almost two fuckin months. My dumbass, pathetic ass has even went as low as seeking friends on the freaky side of twitter. Every now and then, some dudes tweet about wanting to chat or wanting friends but that's not actually what they want. The conversation doesn't go that far. Sometimes I ask for gay living advice or bottoming advice and guys say that they're all for helping out and giving advice, but yet and still stop responding after I ask the first question. Like it sucks. I just want a guy friend or a gay mentor. Some fucking dude to talk to. Doesn't even have to be sexual.

This is my dilemma. But it's whatever. Fuck it, just a gay guy that can't maintain or have any semblance of a connection with any guy.

And while I'm on the subject, I went out with some friends a few weeks back. Saw several Black gay men at a club. Didn't talk to a single one of them. None of them tried to talk to me. So at this point, I conclude niggas don't like nor want me. Which is fine. At least I know early. Just hope I can give up hope and stop trying. Focus on myself and my career and my girlfriends.

Ok that's it. Goodnight.