hey guys it's me

so i guess i just felt like this would be the best place to put it and maybe it's selfish to want validation on this but regardless it's okay. basically i just saw some anime (i dont watch much jsyk) but it had all this friendship and growth and love and it made me feel so fucking warm inside like it just reminded me how sweet it feels to be in love like even with all the pain and the work and the time i guess i dont really know but at least how i felt even if just by proxy was so indescribably breathtaking idk it just feels like i am so full of warm sweet pink loving energy that i might burst and it would be so amazing and fulfilling and lovely and warm and nice and fuck i cant think of any more but just like if i could hug someone romantically and give them some of that love and then id melt away into their arms if they did the same to me and i would feel so very good to be giving and receiving and being completed and helping to complete and i really just want to drop everything to be the best i can be for them and god holy shit dude i just want someone to melt into and help and support and love holy shit i want to love someone god damn

uh now uh for one if this is weird sorry i feel like im not the best at saying things right now or i mean typing things like this could all be so much more elegant but im just so fucking smitten with being smitten fuck i know im gonna do it later but im going to hug the fuck out of my pillow tonight dude holy fuck im like fuckin euphoric

uh then the other thing about that was i might experience things differently because of my asd so that is a thing so like if this seems weird we might not think the same and thats okay i still love you <3

uh then the final thing is i know real relationships take a long time and a lot of work and a lot of other stuff and i dont want to come across as yearning for a relationship because honestly i have no idea how but i dont even feel lonely even though i usually do when i think too much about love and i mean like im single and i welcome anyone who wants to talk (for romance or otherwise) but like god i dont know if ive ever felt this way before but i just have enough love to give that it just seems it's overrided the whole "ur a lonely lil shitsack" part of my mind and told it to simply embrace the moment and god it feels so nice holy shit <3

shit well ima hug the fuck out of my pillow like i said and im gonna down some melatonin gummies and hopefully i have a dream as sweet as i feel

also ill get to those audios at some point thanks so much for being patient everybody i know people say it all the time but i really feel it right now when i say i love you all <3

fuck, goodnight i guess!!!!!!

-"Randy" <3 xoxoxoxoxo