Listen up. I made my first post on here awhile back. It took everything I could to do it. Why? I'm a fat woman.

Not everyone likes fat woman and some of those who don't can't keep their mouths shut about it.

I've been overweight, like double chin overweight since I was 4. You saw that right, FOUR. I've always lived in a town of under 1000 people. You saw that right too. One thousand. So with a small town comes small minds and big mouths.

For 98% of my life I haven't feel loved, wanted, needed, attractive, worthy. Some of that is on me, my past trauma, etc. Some of that is because people like to stare, call names, be rude, think they're being helpful when they are really being mean. It wears you down. It breaks you down. You feel like nothing. You don't get asked to prom. You're the third wheel while all your friends have bf's. This isn't a poor me post, so stick it out to the end, just gimme some time to paint a picture and get my point across.

All that sucked and hurt. But it made me who I am. Someone that won't let you make someone else feel inferior. Someone who has fought and fought to show HERSELF what she is worth. Someone who hears fat ass being called at her in a store and doesn't cry cuz she knows they meant her. Someone who doesn't cling on to just anyone's word cuz she is lonely. Someone who wore baggy clothes hoping to hide her body. Someone who was asked to go to an NFL game in middle school and didn't go cuz she was afraid she wouldn't fit in the seat. Someone who was a wallflower cuz no one looked in the corner..

That was me, but not anymore.

The reason for this post is I get asked all the time, do you like being your size? I don't know. I really dont. There are struggles for sure. But how can I hate something that has shown someone love? That has helped to heal someone? Who has held their hand while they were taking their last breath? Who has loaned someone a shoulder to cry on? Who has made someone smile? Laugh? Something that moves me through life? Who houses my being, my soul? That gives advice.? That has brought other people pleasure? That has made humans? That can give animals love? That hears music? That looks at the moon. The trees. The sky. Art. Seriously? I can not.

Some people don't have their body and im sure if you could ask em, they'd take my obese body than no body for just one more time to hug a loved one. To dance one more dance with someone special. To hold the hand of a dying loved one.

So while I may not have the ideal healthy body and society's ideal look, I am me. I know what I can do, what I have done and let me tell you something, this large body of mine is beautiful.

All the curves, edges, dips, valleys, mountains and canyons. Without it, I wouldn't be here. So do I like being my size....? Idk cuz I truly don't know what it's like to be thin. But I do love my body and myself. It's took me a hell of a long time to be able to say that and mean it, but I do. I LOVE ME.

There's people out there who are everyone's ideal size and look. What have they done? Idk. Why doesn't anyone ask them if they like how they look? Or what they weigh? Because being fat is the one of the few things you can see that is different from someone else.

I've heard, youre fat, so you aren't healthy. Not true. Sorry, but it's not. Do you look at a thin woman and worry if she's anorexic or bullemic? Drug addiction? Std? No. You ASSUME she's healthy. That's not always the case either.

I've meant some beautiful people, but as soon as they open their mouth, they are the ugliest person I have met. Same with some average looking people. They are okay, but nothing fantastic. Til you speak to them, learn their personality, then they are the most beautiful person in the world.

The other question I get asked is why don't you try to lose some weight. Bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahshaha.

People, I've been on this planet for 42 years. Do you really think I havent tried every diet, food plan, exercise or gym? Because I have.

I know why I'm overweight but I don't know why I can't lose and keep it off.

My son told me the other month that I am the most anorexic fat person he has ever seen. Why? He sees how I eat and its not much. Don't go saying she's starving herself and the fat is storing. Trust me, that ain't it either. I'm just telling you I don't sit around eating brownies all day everyday.

So until you know someone's struggles, their actual medical diagnosis, etc, can we please stop shaming fat people? We are people too. If seeing me in a bikini bothers you, you might want to talk to a therapist. For real. If seeing me eat a donut causes you to get on social media and say it's unhealthy for someone so obese to be eating like this, ew, you definitely need to call a therapist. Those issues are yours hunny. Not mine. When you used to call me pig, cow, fat ass, I thought it was my issue and I made it my issue and I ate to cover up the pain. Now I laugh and grab a roll on my body and shake it. May even yell but your dad loves me, who knows? Lol. We all know sometimes I'm very sarcastic.

This is MY skin suit for now. I may die bigger. Smaller. The same size. Idk. But you have no need to be in MY business. If my obesity kills me, then it kills me. How do you know you won't get hit by a car next week? And here you were, worrying about my extra thigh rolls. You could've been singing a song, dancing, gazing at the sky, kissing, talking, etc.

Do you look at handicapped people and make fun of them cuz they are all twisted up? I hope not. So why me?

I'm just more. Believe it or not, some people love the more. I will not be shamed, discriminated or made to feel bad about how my body looks anymore. I don't shame anyone on looks, body, hair color, skin color, IQ, handicap....the list goes on and on. We are all works of art. If you can't appreciate that, that's ok, go to another gallery but keep your mouth shut on the way out. Basically....

If im too much for you, please, by all means, go find less.