I’m fucking scared. The world is falling apart. My last surviving parent is dying before my eyes. There’s a REAL chance I have cancer myself.

Last night I dreamed of my father. He asked me how I was and I told him “Not good Dad, I have adrenal cancer. They found a tumor.” Is that my anxiety? Maybe. Is it a premonition? I fucking hope NOT.

The doctor asked me last week if I had life insurance. I do, but no one has ever asked me about it before. Wtf. I’m scared. I barely ate today. I’m fucking petrified I’m going to have a long, drawn out death. I literally just stopped being a passively suicidal in the last 13 months, now I’m being faced with my own mortality.

I doubt anyone will read this, but I needed to get it out.