Happy Locktober to those who celebrate.

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This year I'm not really participating beyond gentle encouragement for those subby pals I have who are self-locking or need a little axillary community-focused bump beyond their keyholder.

As someone who's been passionate about both willpower and device-managed chastity and orgasm control for over a decade and witnessed how it's exploded in popularity, I have mixed feelings about Locktober.

If Locktober were Christmas, I would say I am slowly becoming a cross between the Grinch and Santa. Though in this metaphor, Santa represents how commercialized and mainstream device-managed chastity has become and the Grinch represents a selfish spoilsport who can't just let other people enjoy things because his shoes are too small.

I guess I'm closer to a relapsed orthodox Christian who has very complex feelings about Christmas that could be characterized by intense and very fond memories of years gone and moderate criticism and displeasure with the modern version of the holiday (though definitely by underpinned with a touch of zealotry). 'Back in my day, Locktober meant something! It was a time of sacrifice between a keyholder and her sub! This isn't real Locktober.'

Chastity as a whole has at times seemed a strange and artificial shorthand for male submission. As though in order to really control a man, you must deny his sex and own his cock. As though male submission is any more monolithic than female domination.

Femdom at times seems firmly centered on what does and does not make men hard and that concept has always taken the wind right out of my sails. Not because I don't care about my partner's arousal and pleasure -- literally the opposite if I'm locking him up -- it's more that I just don't like this version of femdom domination to be the one that is most propagated in femdom spaces.

Compulsory participation in Locktober feels like something subs and couples start to see as a requirement or another box to check vs an exploration of your dynamic or sexual experience. It doesn't make you a good sub or bad sub to participate nor are you any less valid as a Dominant if you find it unappealing. Even if you're someone who loves chastity, you don't have to do the entire month just because horny liars are insisting they are on day 23 on reddit dot com.

It can be fun, it can be difficult, it can be miserable, it can be thrilling and gratifying and grounding and connecting and dumb and weird and uncomfortable. As a pretty strict keyholder with a lot of experience, it takes time to figure out how it works. Penises are funny little guys (or gals). Listen to your body more than your mind on this one.

Just make it yours. Have fun out there.

thirtyfour_h aka not your mistress1