Hey! I'm a real person! I swear! At least last time I checked I was.. unless I'm a sentient robot and just don't know it. That'd be something... wouldn't it? If you're talking to me you're talking to me, not my dude. This is my account. I'm a gamer and a huge nerd. I love film and TV. I talk to people about stuff like that, on occasions..

Ugh, the dreaded OF debate.. I know, I'm sure we're all tired of it.. Yes, I have an OF link but I've literally never used it. Seems like every single woman on earth has one now, and I can't imagine there's a need for anymore content, and certainly not of me. My dude says yes, I say no.. I mean... Who knows. I don't think I'm hot enough for that (as the name implies), but then again I've seen some questionable OF accounts so I guess there's something for everyone out there. It's just an empty link right now. So no, you'd don't need to be wary that I'm gonna ask for money or something. At least not yet anyway.. but hey, if you have a die-hard need to send me your cash, you can. I won't stop you. No.. stop.. dont... ha. I'm kidding. 😆😉

Yes, I really am 41. It'd be weird to lie about something like that. Trust me, I wish I was 23 again. No, I don't have any issues with anyone's age. I know some people are attracted to the fact that I'm older, and I dont mind either way. No, I don't mind if you're young, just so long as you're legal. If I like you and I'm interested there's no issues there. I don't have any age related kinks, but if you do, cool! I don't mind. 😊

Yes, I do meet up with Redditors! I've met quite a few, and they all have been AWESOME! I've had really good luck there. I'm a real person, it's not a trick or anything, but if you're looking to meet up with me there's a few things you absolutely need to know first.

I absolutely will not meet you alone. I am not single, and I'm not cheating. I have a man, and he will be there EVERY TIME. That's our dynamic and what I'm looking for. He will be involved. Nobody puts baby in the corner.. you know what I'm saying? 🤣 I'm not going to make him stand in the corner like a creeper so you can pretend he isn't there. This most definitely isn't a cuck situation. He is my everything and I treat him that way. He just thinks very highly of me and likes to share me. So you've really got him to thank if you're interested in me. I mean, give him a high-five or at least a "this was cool of you bro, thanks" or something. Maybe make HIM a sandwich after.. I dunno.. 🥪 If it'll bother you if he's involved, then I'm definitely not for you. If you're rude to my dude, you're out.

Please, please, please don't be creepy and think I'm gonna leave my dude for you. I won't. It'll never happen. Don't be "Mr. StealYoGirl". Please just. Ugh. Dont.

I'm not a unicorn, literally or figuratively, but fuck, can you imagine being a literal unicorn? All majestic AF? That'd be dope. 🦄 But in all seriousness, I'm very sorry to all the beautiful couples out there, but I also won't meet couples without him. He's very picky about what he likes. He doesn't HAVE to participate with your wife or gf unless you all decide and agree to it. He's still going to be there, and will be involved with me.

My good dude is straight, he isn't interested in men.. There will be no crossover there. He won't be trying to touch you, other than the aforementioned celebratory high-fives. 🙌

IF you're wanting to meet up, please just send me pics with your initial message. You all already have seen me, you KNOW that's the first thing I'm gonna ask. Please don't demand more pics of me before being willing to show me if you're a serious prospect or not. I know this is the bitchiest sounding part of this and I'm sorry for it, but it's really upsetting and it happens a lot and discourages me from even wanting to meet up with people at all. If you want to be taken seriously, send pics. Not weird angled I can't see you or what you're working with, like LEGIT PICS. You don't have to send me your face unless we agree to meet up, but I DO need to see your body and your 🍆, ok? You've seen what you can expect of me, I need the same back. It's only fair.. I am discreet, and expect you to be the same.

❄ Flakes and Ghosts 👻 IM NOT A FLAKE I SWEAR! I'm also not trying to ghost you. You have got to be PATIENT with me. If I WAS a sentient robot I'm sure I'd be better at getting back to people, but since I am just a meat sack filled with blood I'm not infallible. I have 300 messages and endless notifications. That shit is overwhelming. If I had a whore staff for my whore shit this would be a lot easier, but I dont. It's just me. Sometimes I'll respond a ton and then have chores (real and virtual) or life to attend to. I have kitties to pet. Sometimes I'm all making plans and then shark week hits 🦈, then I get distracted (ooh look, something shiny!) and it takes another week or 2 to get back on my bullshit. If I expressed interest I still am. Please do not send me some salty message all pissed off at me for not responding right away and acting like I'm some asshole. If you haven't heard from me you might have gotten lost in the inbox, and please feel free to check back in.. I'm working on clearing my inbox, and letting people know where I'm at with stuff (interest level, etc). So hang in there, peaches.

Anyway, I think that's MOOORREE than enough for now. If I think of anything else I'll add it. If you have questions I didn't answer, feel free to ask! I appreciate anyone who took the time to read through this. Its soul draining to have to explain all that that every single message so this is a huge help, just clearing the air one time officially.

I look forward to meeting some more of you cool Redditors and having some fun! 💋💋