I'm 41 yr. and this is my life. I was genuinely laughing that scary, crazy laugh when I realized I'm about as experienced as an 18 yr. I was raised religious and I went into that hard, so that took away from my life. And I was such an awkward kid. No relationships. Some dates here and there but we'll, I was weird. So nothing really gained there. Ryan killed himself. That turned everything upside-down. Took more of my life from me. Rachel, the girls, and Mr. Randy with his gun. 12 fucking yrs. Of my life. For what? Two narcissistic daughters? Divorced and dating and find my soul mate, but 11 months later she dies. I'm heartbroken. I'm 41 yr. I have so little experience, self awareness, does it matter at this point? "It's never too la-" Yes it can be. Should I even try to start? Try to heal? Try to dream?