Summary: Sara learns she has an incurable cancer and her death is much sooner than the 24 year old expected. Now faced with the choice of how to spend the remaining days on earth she looks at all the things she regrets never trying or things she thought were too depraved for an average person. Follow the journey of self exploration and growth as she finds new and exciting ways to enjoy herself.

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Chapter 1 – It's Terminal

Sara laid on her back in the emergency room bed for the third time this week. The sounds of beeping and screaming could be heard from her private room. The neon light above her bed flickered slightly as she stared up through her tear.

Her mind was swimming with fear and horror of the diagnosis she had received today. Her body felt too numb to even try and call her family to inform them of the news. Today, Sara learned that she has stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and her chances of surviving were almost zero. Had she been older, she might have been more accepting of the sudden realization that her death was inevitable, but she only turned 24.

Grief filled her as she thought of all the things she would never do again or see. Opportunities and experience yet to have seemed to slip from her, like trying to catch water with a net. The life milestones that would complete her life now are only a fantasy. Sara was lost and afraid.

Usually, she would call her mom in these situations for comfort and support. Sara knew that her mother would do anything to help, but this didn't seem like something most people would be able to accept for what it was. So, for now, she would keep the thing quiet and see what the specialist told her.

The male nurse came in with discharge paperwork and reviewed her new medications, including a potent painkiller and, to her surprise, a medical marijuana card. He was handsome for a nurse, Sara thought. He stood a head taller than her, with a muscular frame and a strong jawline. Her eyes seemed to wander further down to see that the pants didn't do much to hide his generous bulge either.

Sara blushed a bit at the realization that she was gawking at this man and almost started to cry again, knowing she'd probably never find someone like this to hold again. However, the nurse seemed to notice the change and waited silently as Sara did her best to gather herself.

"Can I give you my opinion?" the nurse asked softly.

She wasn't sure that any additional medical advice would improve things, but she wasn't going to say no. She also didn't trust her voice to come out without sobbing, so she nodded at him.

The nurse walked to the door to the room and gently shut it. The noisy ER muffled now. He took a moment before sitting in the nearby chair and looked into her eyes. He at her with compassion, and she wasn't sure she deserved it; she remained silent.

"I've been here for a few years now as a nurse. And I've seen people in your shoes a handful of times, and each one left here with different mindsets." The nurse said

He stopped for a moment, seeming to have drifted off to a thought, and then he continued. "Some left here accepting their fate. I'd see them often because they had given up on life, even before it ended. They let the sickness control them."

Sara could understand that sentiment. She felt this way, so this little talk wasn't helping her. A small fire seemed to kindle in her anger that this man would push her down further in this low moment, but he did stop there.

"Some accepted in and enjoyed their last few weeks and month with family and friends." He said this with a happier tone. "They wanted to spend time with loved ones at the end, and I watched them go peacefully with family surrounding them."

This idea fills Sara's soul with a level of sadness that she would be leaving behind. The tears rushing down her cheek were evidence of her loss. Even worse was how isolated she'd been these past few years.

Since the pandemic, she'd been working from home. Most of her friends from college had left for new jobs, and her family was across the country. So it was her dog and herself in a small one-bedroom apartment. She would probably spend the next few weeks planning her last few moments.

"But there was this one guy," the nurse continued. She'd drifted off again to her thoughts and forgotten he was talking to her. "I'll always remember him because I never saw him again."

This opinion wasn't improving in Sara's mind. She wanted him to shut up and let her go home to sulk in depression, but she knew she wasn't going to. She kept listening.

"I ended up finding his Instagram page where the next year and a half, he traveled the world and documented it." Excitement filled the nurse's voice, "He shared how there were things he always wanted to try but was always afraid to do. But with his expiration date coming, he threw all caution to the wind and decided to do it before leaving this earth."

Sara wasn't sure about this idea. It sounded expensive, and she was still making crap money working at a crappy job. There is no way she'd be able to travel like this. But the idea of doing and seeing all the things out there to offer left her curious.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is; this is your life, and you can choose how you live it. Most of us fear not knowing when we will die, and because of that, we don't push to try things that may be risky." The nurse's tone was sober but compassionate. "You don't need to go to his extreme, but I think that if it was me, I'd try and do the things I've been too afraid to up till now."

Sara sat there silently, unsure how to respond. She knew it was impossible to just up and do everything she ever wanted, but it was an exciting thought. Unfortunately, she was too emotionally numb to let anything else sink in.

The nurse said nothing more about it and continued the discharge. In the end, he handed her the paperwork, and Sarah went home to cry herself to sleep.

A few days passed since Sara received the news of her pending death. She'd spent the first couple of them crying in fear and sadness. Then, for another day, she screamed in rage and threw things around her bedroom until Max, her lovable dog, came to calm her down. Then she cried some more before falling asleep.

Sara delayed calling her family to inform them of cancer because the day after it all happened, her brother's wife went into labor and her parent had their first grandchild. So she planned to keep things quiet until she talked to the specialist for more information.

Today she woke up puking and is in severe pain, though. Her stomach spasmed and cramped as she retched into the toilet. Her body was slick with sweat, and her eyes again filled with tears. This was the first time this had happened to her since her visit to the emergency room.

When the vomiting seemed to subside enough to get up and wash off her face, Sara remembered the medications she'd been given to manage pain and nausea. In her rage, though, she'd thrown the bottle and paperwork somewhere random. So Sara spent the next few moments fighting the pain and sickness, looking for the bottles. She was thankful it didn't take long since they were behind, just on the floor behind her nightstand.

Sara took a small sip of water and forced the medications down. She stood there with her eyes closed and her stomach threatening to revolt, but she fought until the symptoms subsided.

Her nausea improved, and the pain meds seemed to dull the pain enough to allow her to sit down to finish her work on the computer. As she sat down at her desk, her hand fell onto the paperwork from the hospital. She picked up the papers and noticed a small handwritten note in the corner. It said, "You get to choose how you live," Followed by an Instagram handle.

The note seemed sweet to her. Of course, that could be the slight high she was getting from the pain pills, but still, it was nice to know someone had some empathy for her situation.

Sara grabbed her phone at this point and entered the username into the search bar of Instagram, and found the person left on her medical record. The first thing on the page was a phone of a man short, balding middle age man ten feet in the air after being bucked off a massive black bull. When she zoomed in on his face, he showed no signs of fear but pure joy.

The idea of being flung off a bull made Sara instantly flinch internally. The guy must have been insane to smile at the painful landing. She read the caption below, hoping for a few more details.

"This was Adam's final bucket list item. We drove 250 miles to get to this ranch in the middle of nowhere Texas, just so he could ride the meanest bull he could find. He lasted like 0.02 seconds, but he said it was the best 0.02 seconds of his life.

Three days later, we found him gone, peacefully in his bed at home. Yet, even then, he smiled like the fool he was. For those of you who followed his journey over the last year, we thank you for your support. His passing has been difficult, but he lived the life he wanted. RIP."

Sara spent the next hour scrolling through hundreds of images and videos of this man. She watched him sword fight a samurai, pans a British royal guard, and dance like an idiot with beautiful women on a strip stage. She listened and watched all the videos he shared, which were a lot.

It seemed Adam not only documented the spectacular moments but even the dull and depressing ones. A few times, she broke down with Adam as he cried about how he didn't want to die so soon. Then, she rallied with him as he told himself that he didn't want to just mope all the time and then scream like a fool before going on another chaotic adventure. Sara watched this man live, even while he was growing close to death.

As Sara watched Adam's first video, a spark came to life inside her. Adam talked about how he was diagnosed and how he'd lived his life so poorly. She felt his passion grow as he spoke about this not being a death sentence but a challenge. He wanted to do things and try things he'd never done before. He talked about how his life was too quiet and wanted to make some noise. As Adam let out the scream he'd done throughout many of his videos when he seemed unsure or doubtful, Sara finally realized it was his battle cry. She now knew exactly what she would do with the remaining days of her life.