Why am I a Dom?

• My kink is Power. Control. I have a deep seeded need to control and dominate.
• This need is powerful. It has been described as being the embodiment of a beast.
• I discovered this need is filled with a willing partner in a BDSM dynamic.

So why am I a Dom? Because it is my purpose. My calling. It is just who I am.

Now here's the part that those outside of the BDSM community have trouble understanding. My entire identity is not consumed by being a Dom. I read, write, play video games, go out with friends, have a high paying job at a law firm, and generally lead a "normal" life. Most people in my life have no idea that I am a Dom and that is perfectly fine. It is a part of who I am. But it is not the only part.

This gets into my larger BDSM Philosophy

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How do I see BDSM?

• It is a relationship between two or more consenting adults.
• The relationship is defined by a strict set of rules (stated and implied) that all parties need to follow.
• It is a relationship built on trust and communication.
• Most importantly: it is a fantasy shared by everyone involved.

BDSM can take many forms, such as whips and ropes or maybe handcuffs and blindfolds. Or it can be simply having your sub sit down as you guide them to an earth-shattering orgasm.

But to me, BDSM is a state of mind. It is a mindset. Being a Sub, as well as a Dom, is a state-of-mind. The only real way to get any enjoyment out of it is to first understand and appreciate the mental aspects of it.

For example, if I call my sub a slut, I am not condemning them as some sort of terrible person. I am giving them permission to embrace their own sexuality and allow them to enjoy what society says it taboo. Calling my sub a slut during a BDSM scene is erotic for all parties involved. But I only use that term with someone I am in a BDSM relationship with. I would never call a random woman a slut. That would just be rude.

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Why am I a sadist? What in the hell is a sadist?

Sadism, for me, is not about hurting people randomly. There's no pleasure or enjoyment to be gained by that. I'm not a monster. So then, what in the world is sadism?

Sadism is an expression of power in its most primal, raw form. It is more than simply hurting somoene. It is dominating them in a way that will deepen their devotion in a powerful way. I don't hurt someone just to hurt them. I hurt someone to make them mine. I take them. Claim them. Consume them completely.

I can only do this with a masochist, of course. And I never, ever do this with anyone else. Sadism is not for everyone, and I appreciate that. It can be scary. But with the right partner, it is a hell of a lot of fun.