For context: I didn't have the best parents, after that divorce my mom became very verbally and physically abusive, I was still little (10).My relationship with her left me with PTSD. She was a hard working mom and I knew she loved me, and that's why I felt guilty for feeling bad. Then my Dad, well he just started acting like I didn't exist 80% of the time, hardly returned my calls, acted like he didn't wanna see me half of the time. Went several years without Christmas/ birthday gifts. Filling his kids heads with false promises of seeing them and then not. Hell even last year he didn't call to wish me happy birthday , in spite of the fact I now only live an hour and a half away from him. Didn't attend my highschool graduation and then lied Abt it saying it was to celebrate my brother's birthday (which is bullshit and he even fumbled on his own lie later, even if it was true, it's a terrible reason). They just were not great, and it really took a toll on my mental health and assertiveness.

Last April I got together and had a talk with them, my mom cried and apologized saying she "just wanted us to win" my dad gave his backhanded apologies but would not completely admit. But I seemed to have gotten through to them this time at least a little bit after several attempts of trying.

My mom still denied I was ever abused but her demeanor has changed somewhat and my dad seems to try and be more inclusive.

Fast forward to present times, my orientation was July 9th but I switched it to August 9th bc of work, my mom originally couldn't make the one on the 9th and at the time I had not changed it so she told me to enjoy it with my dad. Okay fine. When I was telling my Dad, my stepmom changed it and said she would come, I was perfectly fine with that.

A week and half before today I was thinking Abt my mom and decided to call her, having no intention of telling her of the changed dates since I thought she just wanted me to enjoy it with my dad. However she brought it up again for some reason even though she said she couldn't come, so I just told her of the changed dates and she sounded excited and she would see if she could make it. However, she found out my stepmom was coming and that is when she got dismayed but she had to go bc she had work. Then just a few nights ago, I called to talk to her about it again and she would rather not have to deal with my stepmom, and I admittedly did say that I would prefer it just be my parents because they are my parents and I want more time with just them but I was fine if my stepmom came. However, she subtly but adamantly made it clear that she did not want her there. She even tried doing that thing she did when I was kid where she would try and tell me exactly what to say and I told her that I would say it in my own way. She reason why I'd supposedly the two women have beef especially when my stepmom supposedly said things to my that she should not have Abt her and my dad's relationship or whatever and it's been told to me several times by different people that that is the real reason they did not show up because they didn't want to deal with my mother.

So I call my dad and I tell him politely that my mom is coming and that I want it to just be my parents bc I do wanna be with them alone if that could happen but number two, I did want to keep the peace. My dad said that it was not fair to uninvite her what she's already coming just because my mom is there and that my stepmom has been nothing but nice to me, which is true, at least directly , and she has convinced my Dad to be nice to me on several occasions (like paying for my travel fares to come see him, according to my dad and she was the one who stopped my father from going off on me when I refused to visit him for Thanksgiving after the man forgot my birthday) but the two didn't seem to mind missing my graduation for stupid reasons and then later almost immediately after she tried to ask me to come to my older brothers barber graduation in spite of knowing they missed mine. My younger brother also says that she usually submits to her husband and didn't make too much talk with him after him and my Dad had a fight which caused him to leave. So I know she's nice, and I have nothing against her, but I'm still a bit iffy.

My dad then said that I'm letting my mom control me and think for myself and what I want. He makes me admit that she has lied to me before, but so had he, many more times. It's another time where I'm caught between me and my parents. I say that I do want everyone there and I rectify what I feel was a mistake I made and I tell my mom that I don't think it's fair to uninvite my stepmom, and she surprisingly, beyond a few passive aggressive remarks, relents and says she there just for me. It was a completely different tone from the last time I spoke to her before that's but I just took it.

But, I honestly have to ask, was I the asshole in hindsight for even asking that request?