I just dont want you to think I'm not thinking about you bc I am 💔💔 I am starting to obsess again. I gotta get to work to keep my mind off you.

Ulggg I want to message you so bad like not hearing from you really bums me out. But i understand maybe idk. It's hard to process feelings but it's even harder when there's two ppl involved bc you have no idea what they are thinking. Even if they have been telling you the same thing for literal months. It's hard for me . All this stuff is. Idk how to be in a relationship and idk what i'm supposed to do or not do. I dont even know what it's supposed to look like.

Maybe that's why I like you bc you're not emotionally ready? I hear that all the time so maybe that's us? Idk I didn't really think so tbh.

Also..... I want you more in my life bc I really want to start having sex like yeah. Just I miss it. I'm also kinda afraid when we don't work out I'm going to go through a ho phase and I don't want that. Like at all. But I just feel like it's going to happen then I'll feel like real shit for a long time prob still drunk texting you making a total ass or of myself. And like you have all these things you want to do in the bedroom and I want you to do them. Like really want you to badddd. Ugh. Just even thinking about it and I've been having so many sex dreams w you. Lol there's this song and it's like I'll be the bf in your wet dreams tonight 🤤🤤🤤 just dang. Fml. Fm. Please 🥺

It literally makes me ill when you post being out and about but you literally won't even talk to me. Spiraling has begun 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

What tf is wrong with me. It's literally not even 8 and I'm in bed w the lights off. I hate myself. And I hate my life and I hate feeling like this. I fucking hate being disappointed and here I am disappointed again. I wish you wouldn't have started talking to me again after the last time bc it would be so much easier on me. I'd be in a much better place rn. I wouldn't feel like a dumpster fire rn. I'd be good. Is be okay. All i want to be is okay. be okay. I want to shut everything off and cut everyone off. I'm so fucking tired. Soooooooo tired.

Why am I so unlovable? I know I know pity party one please but honestly why can everyone else do it? How can everyone else find it? Why have I never found it. I just want to be loved and held. I'm so tired. I hurt so bad. Why tf can't I pick the right one? Just why? It can't honestly be that hard. I was on fucking tinder for 3 weeks and had 3700 likes like wtf is that? It isn't even real life. I just want to fucking crawl in a hole and die. I'm tired of being this alone. I'm tired I'm so fucking tired.

Rip