Song lyrics can portray our vast array of emotions so well, can't they? You'd never listen to me when I'd try to talk about these things, but maybe you'll at least listen to the lyrics. A few have come to mind in the last 3 months since I finally ended things with you. Despite your best efforts, though, I hope you know I do not hate you. I still care for you two very much and wish you the best. There is a part of me that I believe will always love you, even if I'm not in love with you anymore. I know you'd never listen to me before, but maybe if you see this, you'll listen to me now.

You've always been your own worst enemy.

"That was your first mistake. You took your lucky break and broke it in two. Now, what can be done for you?"

You can have everything you desire from this world. Really, everything. You're the strongest willed person I've ever met. You're also far and away the most stubborn. I know you hate being compared to your mother, and you don't believe it when the comparisons are drawn, but I think you display a lot of her tendencies. Then again, I understand why you do. You don't know any better. Your parents didn't give you a great upbringing. Your baby sister got all the love and praise, while your all A grades weren't enough to satisfy them. You ran away as fast as you could, into the arms of "boyfriends," who used and abused you and took advantage of your need for safety from family, that you never got. When you finally met me, neither of us knew how to have a healthy relationship with others. You've never had one good, healthy relationship with anybody. Sure, a lot of bad things have happened to you from bad people, and I don't blame you for that. But all I'm saying is because of that, you're just as lost as me with my inexperience with social skills and love. That's the word, right there, love. Neither of us knows how to love, although we believed we did.

"Always The Same Playin' Your Game, Drive Me Insane Trouble Is Gonna Come To You. One Of These Days And It Won't be long, you'll Look For Me But Baby I'll be gone. This Is All I Gotta Say To You Woman: Your Time Is Gonna Come."

Remember I said you're your own worst enemy? This is what I mean. You hate compromise. You expect conforming, and you will not settle for anything less. Your expectations are like a boss level in a video game. Just when you think you're leveled up enough to defeat the boss, the boss's armor has become that much harder to destroy. Just when I thought I was doing well and reaching your standards, it was never enough. I'd bend over backward to try and make you happy. It was never appreciated. It was never accepted. Hell, it was never believed to be occurring. Now, yes, I'm not saying I'm innocent and you're not. We BOTH made mistakes. I've owned up to mine, and I did everything in my power to rectify them and help you move forward past them. But you flat out refused to in the name of "being triggered and rushed." What more do you want? The world doesn't revolve around you, and you push everyone away. Every problem between us couldn't just be me fixing it and you having no flaws. It was like being with a spoiled princess. An unpleasant, unable to please, princess. I personally believe it stems from never having that as a kid from your horrible upbringing, but you can't expect a partner to give it to you and call them immature when they can't. By the end, your punishments for my discretions of the past no longer fit the crime.

"How many times can you put me down, Til in your heart, you realize. If you choose to criticize, you choose your enemies? Everything that I say and do in your eyes is always wrong. Tell me where do I belong, in a sick society... Look at yourself instead of looking at me, with accusation in your eyes. Do you want me crucified for my profanity? Concealing your crimes behind a grandeur of lies, tell me, where do I begin? If you think you're without sin, be the first to cast the stone."

Once again, we both made mistakes. Me, and you. We weren't perfect, and as much as I'd love to make excuses like "I was too inexperienced" or "You had so much going on and you took it out on me," none of these reasons matter. What's done is done. As much as my porn addiction and looking up people from the past was detrimental and a terrible mistake, so was your unforgiving and controlling nature. You dominated everything in my life, even any free time away from work I had. It was sickening and no way to live. You want to control every aspect of something, stick with your plants, or get a pet. You always said I'd pin things as winning and losing or against each other. Well, that's because we were not a team, and we were certainly not equal. If you ever have a relationship again, don't have 70 or 80 or 90% of the control. Not even 51%. You've got to give 50/50. You'll never find anyone who'll make you happy if you don't. Plus, I think it'll help you feel your standards are met. Remember that you are not perfect, and we both know I'm not either, so I'm not here to give you a "I'm holier than thou" act. I could admit my faults and work to fix them. Why couldn't you? You're not the victim. WE WERE the victims. We hurt each other. It shouldn't have happened on either end, but it did.

Now I know this is ungodly long, and I also know how you like to pick and choose what you read, especially from a long message, but if you somehow see this I hope you actually read it all and try to understand that I say this all because I care about you and want you to find happiness. I don't hold any ill will at all, actually. Having that ill will would imply I actually cared about the past like that. I don't. There's so much more that's even now still left unsaid, but I'll leave you with this. Something you should remember and aspire to live by:

"And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make"

☮️&❤️

P.S.-If you think for one second that I regret my "life decisions," you're out of your mind. If that's what had to happen for both of us to find happiness either apart or together again one day, it was worth it. What we were by the end of our relationship, that couldn't last. We had fallen out of love with each other so much and so often that breaking up wasn't as hard as it should have been, was it?