I no longer wake up with morning wood.

Viewing porn no longer excites me. It makes me sad.

I came here to masturbate but I lost the urge.

There’s a lot of beautiful women here but not one of them has commented about my fat ass, anyway. I’m sure they’re busy.

I have not had sex in such a long time I have this feeling I might cry if a woman held me.

I have to wear a cock ring just to get it up for jerking off. My limp penis has it on right now. It’s pulling on some pubic hairs and is basically uncomfortable and painful.

I gained some thirty pounds this year from depression. My belly and ass are too big. My pants don’t fit. I can’t see my dick.

I don’t have any goal or reward to live for so I don’t diet or exercise.

I’m a fucking loser.

I used to have a girlfriend but we broke up over some bullshit. I talk to her now but she says she doesn’t want to have sex. She says she’s too old. She’s 68. I don’t believe her. She was pushing me away even before we broke up. I think she has someone. But she wants to visit me in the new town I live in. There are hot springs.

I look in the mirror and see a weathered face and eyes that show a sadness I can’t fathom.

No one is ever going to see this. I’m just so tired of seeing stuff that I wouldn’t be able to do anything with or ever even be considered by the women who post their pictures.

I am going to try dieting again. I bought some exotic compound called Shilajit. I have MCT oil from coconut. I am buying new walking shoes.

I am going to sleep with an asmr frequency video.

I’m going to look at some busty women and dream about one of them holding me through the night.

I’m lonely. But I hold on to that last little bit of hope.

••••••••••••

I have memories that should be like chestnuts for the winter of my life. But they only serve to remind me that I have lost the comfort and embrace of more women than I want to know.

I was young, once.

I should have known better.