I've been planning on writing this up for a while. Sadly, I didn't write down notes on the things I wanted to say so it may seem a bit scattered and be added to and edited over time. But hopefully the right people will see this and it will help them connect with others in a better way.

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Prologue:

As you can see from my account age, I have been here on reddit for a long, LONG time. Hell, this isn't even my oldest account. As a long time member of reddit, I have spent a lot of time browsing the personals. I've seen all kinds from all different types of people looking for an infinite diversity of different things. I've even posted (and still regularly post on a more private account) my share of personals ads.

This will mostly apply to guys like me who are looking for something more real, permanent, genuine, and long term. But a lot can be used for pretty much any kind of connection you're looking for. Be it casual hookups, one night stands, FWB, or pretty much anything else. This is what has worked for me and is filled with my experiences, opinions, observations, and a lot of what I have been told after talking with all kinds of people over the last decade plus.

So, your mileage may vary. Now, without further ado, here we go.

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Chapter one:

Thinking with the big head and not the little one.

This is the number one reason why guys fail in getting any good or real responses to their posts. DON'T THINK WITH YOUR DICK! Seriously, use your brain. Yeah, I know, we all want to find a hot woman who is ready and willing to get down and dirty after the first message. But for the most part, women's brains don't work the same way as a guy's.

First off, 99 of 100 women that message you or reply to you wanting to be sexual immediately and not actually women at all, but other weird and horny guys that get some kind of sick pleasure out of catfishing others. If you use your brain instead of your overly enthusiastic dick to respond, you will see this easily. Don't be dick blind to the facts. But I digress. We will discuss this more in a later chapter.

So, let your brain be in control, use logic, think about what you are posting and what you are hoping to get out of a match up with someone.

Now, while we are on the subject of your dick, not only should you not think with it, you really shouldn't even mention it. Especially when you are looking for something more than just your dick getting some action. Women, for the most part, at least the good and non-superficial ones, won't care about your dick size, shape, color, foreskin existence, or much of anything else, as long as you wash it regularly and it doesn't look like a chewed piece of bubblegum. If she want's to know about your dick, or wants to see it, she will ask. But most women want to know the person it is attached to long before discussing the vein patterns or the tip color when erect.

To reiterate, don't talk about your dick, and for fuck's sake, DON'T FUCKING SHOW IT! You guys who whip your dick out for any reason you can are the reason we can't have nice things and why guys get such a bad rep for dick pics. Don't be a stereotypical dumb guy and use the dick pic cliché. She will let you know when she wants to see it.

"So wait dude, girls don't want to see dicks?" I'm not saying that. But they don't want to start a whole conversation based on a picture or description of your dick. As I said, most women's brains function differently. If a woman shows her tits, ass, or, well, pretty much any part of her body, a guy can fall for her instantly. Because guys are visual like that. Women are more personal and intellectual. They want to know the person first. If she really likes you and gets to know you enough, she will ask to see your dick and she will love it. Then you will be open to sending her all the dick pics you can.

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Chapter 2:

Kinks, and when to discuss.

Kinks. We all have them and we are all as different as snowflakes. There are so many and everyone has different preferences and likes. And there's nothing wrong with that. You may not like some of the things someone else does and same with them to you. But you can respectfully agree to disagree without being an asshole and telling them they are sick and disgusting because of what they like. Don't shame people or tell them their kinks are wrong because you aren't into them. As long as it isn't illegal and no one is getting hurt or doing anything completely against their will, if it isn't affecting you, shut your mouth and move along. This really shouldn't have needed to be said, but here we are.

So, as established, there is nothing wrong with having kinks. There's nothing wrong with talking about them. When you post, you can even list a few. But don't go into nauseatingly graphic detail and make it the only thing you focus on when posting. It can come off as creepy and obsessive. Get to know someone and gauge what they're into first before springing the hard core, deep, dark, dirty, and taboo stuff on them.

Also, check subreddit rules before posting about that stuff. Some of the more tame, or specialized subs have restrictions. But we will talk more about sub rules later.

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Chapter 3:

Rules: Okay, now is later.

If you've been on reddit for more than a minute then you know that every subreddit has their own rules. Some are more strict, some are enforced more harshly, some downright suck, but since they're there you still have to abide by them. When you post in a new subreddit, you should always check out the rules they have set first. Then make sure you follow them. Then scroll quickly down the sub and check a few random posts before posting to get an idea of what you are in for.

You will miss a rule. Or misinterpret its meaning. When you post and your post gets removed, you read the message or comment on why it got removed and try to fix the issue. Occasionally, you will accidentally (or ignorantly, but there's not much excuse for that) break one of the more severely enforced rules and get your ass banned. This can be frustrating and upsetting. But keep your calm and message the mods of the subreddit. Add a link to the post in question and politely inquire as to why it was removed and you were banned. This, of course assuming the message that was sent or attached to the post was unclear, or possibly done by mistake. Or, if you do know why, explain why you accidentally broke a rule and if they will possibly give you a second chance.

Be nice, be patient. Mods will much rather work with someone who isn't belligerent, rude, vulgar, and toxic. They tend to give back the same energy they are approached with. Most of the time they will look at your post history, the mod log, and the mod actions previously taken against your account and take all that in before giving a decision. If you're not a habitual rule breaker and if they can see that something in your post may have been taken out of context, or if you promise to not have further issues of the same kind, they will likely reinstate you with a warning.

Do not try to get around any ban from a subreddit with using a different account. The ban evasion filter set up by reddit is pretty strong and accurate and if you are flagged by it you will possibly be reported to the reddit high council and have all the accounts involved suspended completely from all of reddit. And if you think individual mods are hard asses, those higher up admins make the mods look like happy little sheep angels.

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Chapter 4:

Terminology: How to use the right words to say the thing

Basically, don't use big words if you aren't sure of the meaning or spelling. I recently made another post about the difference between dominant and dominate. I mean, how can one expect to be a serious dominant when they refer to themselves as a dominate? There's a few others that seem to cause an issue as well. Most of these are elementary school grammar and really shouldn't be a problem, but, once again, here we are.

Peek, peak, pique:

A peak is the thing at the top of a mountain. Or when you hit your highest level, you peak.

Peek is the thing you do when you are trying to look and not get caught. You peek at your hot roommate in the shower. Often misused following the word sneak. You sneak a peek, not a peak.

Pique should only be used with the words interest or curiosity. You pique interest of someone. Therefore, they have their curiosity piqued.

There, their, they're:

Really, I'm not even going to explain them. This is grade school stuff. A functioning adult should not be getting these mixed up.

Too, to, two:

The number is rarely misused, but these are another one that are simple enough to use correctly with a bit of thinking.

Your and you're:

Again, grade school shit. Simple to know what to use. I didn't add "yore" to that list either, because if you can't get the first two right, you most likely don't have the third in your vocabulary.

Et Cetera:

No one types out the damn word. But get the abbreviation right at least. that would be etc. ECT stands for ElectroConvulsive Therapy. Biiig difference.

Stay tuned for more added to this list as time goes on.

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Chapter 5:

Effort, put some in if you want some back.

Okay, you don't have to write a novel, but give some meat to your post. If you got a dirty giggle from that statement, you're letting your dick think again. But seriously, I see guys with only the minimum in their title (age [m4f] #location) with the body saying, "HMU!" Like dude, do you really expect to catch a fish on an empty hook? Hell, you barely got a hook there. Maybe a bent paperclip. And they wonder why their posts get no action. Well, you said nothing. You'd have a better chance with a dick pic. No, no no no. That does not mean that dick pics are okay now. You're still a creepy pervert if you use one.

You need to tell about yourself though. Sell yourself. Let those ladies know why they should be messaging you over the hundreds of other guys who hare posting the same thing every day. Let them know a bit of what you look like. What kind of job you do. A funny anecdote from your past, your hobbies, your personality. Give them something to reply to.

Last week, I saw a post from a guy with the basic title like above. The body read, "DM me. Don't give short or one word reply. Will block you." Really? Wow, those ladies must be drenching their panties and emailing them to you. So suave, so sexy, so self assured. I almost... ALMOST got on another account and messaged him as a girl just to tell him off for that. I wanted to make a mod comment on his post too but I fought hard against doing it so as not to abuse my powers.

But yeah, put in some effort to the body of your post. A couple paragraphs to show you are willing to put effort into an actual conversation. You can also reuse the same post over and over. No need to type up a fresh one every time. Some say copy/paste is lazy. But if you are just going to type up the same exact post every time, why can't it just be copied? Now, for messaging people in reply to their posts, yeah, be original. Don't spam paste your generic reply to every f4m post you see. Enough creepy lame perverts are doing that already. That's why women have it tougher than guys. They have to go through hundreds of replies only to weed out 90% because they are incompatible but never read her post past the f4m part in the title.

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Chapter 6:

Replies and what to do with them.

Okay, you made a post, it wasn't removed, and you weren't banned. Wow, you even got a reply.

Before I go any further, assuming this isn't your first rodeo, you are sure to have a caveat in your post about putting effort into a reply and ignoring all one word/phrase messages. Hell, I've said it up to three times in posts I've made and yet I still get the "hey" or "howru?" stuff. I won't get started on the one letter abbreviations yet. I'll give that a whole chapter later.

So, if you get the "no effort" replies, stand strong and ignore them. Most likely they didn't read because they're just looking to get you to join the premium services. You'll probably get responses from a few trans people too. If it's not something you're into, just ignore them too. Or politely turn them down. I choose to ignore because I say in my post I am not interested.

Hopefully you'll get a message with some substance from what appears to be a real woman. Hopefully she put some effort into a reply and gave you enough to open up a conversation. Well, talk to them. Yes, I say them, because until it is confirmed the other person is who they claim to be, they are a them.

Now you need to verify. Take your verifications seriously too. A picture of a woman isn't enough these days. Hell, even a series of pictures from the same woman isn't verification. I could spend 5 minutes online and have albums from 10 different women which I could send and say they are me.

A single static picture with a verification sign isn't enough either. You want multiple angles, multiple backgrounds with the same sign. Preferably crumpled up and reopened to show the folds. Video is even better. Have them crumpling that paper on video and showing it again.

Even with all that, I will always still have trust issues until I meet the person in... well, in person. Then the only trust issues I have are if her dick will be bigger than mine. Unless you are into that. Then you don't have to worry.

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Chapter 7:

Terminology: part 2:

The other chapter on terminology was about using the right words in the right place. This is more about wrong words to use. Or not use. Whatever. Some shit you just don't say when posting or talking to a woman.

Females. Don't call women females. Again, for those in the back, DON'T CALL WOMEN FEMALES! While yes, we do use the standard M4F tags which does mean "Male for Female," but referring to women as females just sounds... clinical, scientific, wrong, or alien. Unless you are an alien scientist who just beamed her aboard your ship. Then by all means, female it is.

Girls. Sadly, a certain nefarious group of creepy weirdo perverts ruined the word "girls" for use when talking about women. But don't say you're looking for girls. Especially with the modifier of "younger" before it. Looking for young or younger girls takes on a whole new meaning in this day and age. Especially when you are posting on age gap related groups. Doubly especially when you are 30 or younger.

Chicks. (or birds for our UK crew) There's a difference between when you are talking to your buddies, or even your women friends about "hot chicks" and when you are posting a serious ad searching for a potentially long term partner. This really goes for pretty much any other semi or fully derogatory term for women as well.

"Well, what do I call these non male people I am trying to contact?" Simple, you call them what they are. Women, or ladies. Ask their name and call them that. Hell, call them John Jacob Jingleheimer schmidt.

Now, you also should be using words. Whole words. Not letters that sound like words. Examples on how to talk like a human. "Hi, how are you?" "I'd love a message from you. Hit me up." "I'm sorry, I have got to go. I will be right back." etc...

Some abbreviations are okay to use since they have taken on a whole meaning on their own. A few examples are, lol, wtf, fml, rofl, lmao.

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Chapter 8:

Your post history and theirs.

Remember that this is reddit. You can see the post history of others. If you are looking for a potential partner, is your post history something to be proud of or worried about? Do you want her to see all those weird and creepy perverted comments you make on all the gonewild girls' posts? Do you want them to know you post regularly on Random Acts of Muff Dive/Blow Job? Do you post on Ask Reddit After Dark asking about women's boobs so you can peep their post history and see if they post pics? Do you have far too many pics of your dick? One being more than enough. If you looked at your post history, would you want to date you or would you want to hit yourself with a shovel and bury yourself in the back yard?

How about her history? Yeah, I know, nudes would be nice to see. But do you want to get serious with a woman that shows them to everyone around? Does she post in sugar dating groups? Does she post in selling groups? Does she flirt with the guys on Ask Reddit After Dark when they ask to see her boobs?

"Well, fuck that. I'll just delete all my perverted posts. No one will ever know I am a creepy bastard!" Well, not quite. There's a site out there where you can enter a person's reddit user name and you can see their entire post history. Deleted or not. As a mod, this site is a godsend. All those 19f posters with 5 year old accounts? Yeah, you wouldn't believe what they were posting for the first four years of their account.

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Interlude:

So, to sum up the first 8 chapters:

Don't be a dick.

Don't show your dick.

Make sure she doesn't have a dick. Unless you are into that.

Don't trust anyone until you know they are who they claim to be.

Give as much effort as you would like to get back.

Use your words. And make sure they are the right ones.

Follow the rules and don't be a bitch when you get caught breaking them.

I'm sure as I continue doing my thing here I will come up with more stuff to add. Feel free to share this around the different relevant subs you come across. Just make sure I get my credit where it is due. I couldn't care less about up or down votes, but that's no reason to steal my shit!