I know I’m the one who broke it off with my fwb. It’s because I know deep down we’re totally wrong for each other. “If he wanted to, he would” and he hasn’t. He does not want us to be more.

But damn the sex was good. My brain may be telling me it was better than it was, now that it’s gone. My brain can be an asshole like that. But I also want to explore the what-ifs.

So what if… what if he said he wants me as bad as I’m wanting him. What if he said he loves me and doesn’t want to let me go. What if he says he wants to try us being together.

How amazing that sex would be. At least at first. Knowing that I could call him MINE, my boyfriend, my lover. If he actually started showing up to go on dates and hang out with me more than just for sex. What if he actually wanted to live LIFE with me. To be my partner and face life’s ups and downs with me.

But that’s not him. He’s not like that. I don’t know why I’m hanging all of these potentials onto someone who has, for a year, had the opportunity to do any of these and hasn’t even remotely tried. He just wants the sex. Let’s be real, I’m just some convenient holes for him.