I didn't put a name to it until much later in life, but I would consider myself a hedonist. I don't understand the point of locking away some of our deepest seeded interests and desires only to live life without complete fulfillment. Here are some of my thoughts related to this.

How this fits with relationships and marriage

In a way it doesn't, not from a traditional standpoint. Traditionally you are meant to be strictly monogamous when you are with someone. I think that this leaves some of our needs unfulfilled.

The idea boils down to two needs:

1. The need to be in a stable loving relationship
2. The need to feel desirable

The benefits of 1 are obvious and huge, and much more important. It's much more difficult and much more rewarding. We have a need to have shared responsibilities in life, and to feel secure and safe with someone. We need someone who can take care of us when we're sick, someone to split the cooking and cleaning with, raise kids with, go on vacations with, reach life goals with, etc. Someone that you can count on when shit hits the fan. Someone that loves you unconditionally when you fuck up.

But we also have a need to feel desirable, lusted after, attractive. For example, when someone checks you out as you pass them on the sidewalk, does it not brighten your day a little bit? It gives you that extra pep in your step. It makes you feel like you're doing something right in life. What's wrong with giving and receiving that extra reaffirmation to each other? Sex is just an extension of that same idea.

I'm also just a very sex positive person. I'm not saying we should live our lives like the world is one giant open relationship. I'm saying that the closeness you experience having sex with someone is an extremely different thing than the kind of closeness you experience with a partner that you have chosen to share a life and home with.

The problem is that the familiarity and excitement numbs over time with 1. It's much more difficult to sustain the newness and lustfulness with someone that you've woken up with every day for years. Not saying it can't happen, but 1. and 2. are kind of mutually exclusive for most relationships.

I'm slowly becoming convinced that most humans are not meant to be strictly monogamous. Swinging, ethical non-monogamy, hotwifing, open relationships...these are all things that lean into this idea to different degrees. But they are intrinsically recognizing the two needs from above and attempting to satisfy both.

How this fits in my life

I am a married parent, and very happy with my life actually. The whole "not interested in changing your situation or mine" trope is obviously true, but that's such a basic way to put it. It's more like "I'm not emotionally available in a spouse kind of way". I would think of you as "a friend, who I also happen to fuck occasionally" or something like that haha

I am also an empath, which kind of conflicts with the whole "self happiness above all else" ideas of hedonism. But that's something that I've reckoned with internally. My point here is that although I am on Reddit seeking personal fulfillment, I am very careful about not doing anything that infringes on others. It's obviously conflicting when you raise the point "what about your own spouse" to which I have decided that I will fulfill 2. from above as much as possible without conceding anything to 1. Point 1. from above brings my life much more happiness than point 2. ever could. But also, if I can fulfill as much from 2. as possible, then why would I not?

My sexual interests fluctuate like the seasons, and I intend to unabashedly post for whatever interests me. Hedonist, remember? Maybe right now I'm just looking for a stable FWB kind of affair, but in 6 months I'm looking for some specific kind of anal BDSM thing or something. If I am suddenly curious about something that I've never tried, what do I do? Choose to live my without ever experiencing it, or try it so that I can satiate my curiosity?

Basically...

I have decided that being this semi-hedonist is my preferred way to live my life to the fullest. I wrote this for anyone to read to get a feel of me before we talk, but also to save me some typing because I've definitely rewritten this series of ideas to a bunch of people over time :)

These ideas obviously aren't one-size-fits-all. For example, I know very happy couples that have been together since middle school, and have high odds that they will die having only kissed each other. There are also plenty of flaws if you dig too deep. If it makes me happy to smash out people's headlights with a golf club (a la Fight Club!), does that mean that I'm entitled to do so? I draw the line where it begins to infringe on other people's lives and happiness, but there is still so much more up for debate in that line of thinking. I am by no means a purist about this, and recognize the flaws baked in here.

TL;DR

I opt to live my life as fulfilling as possible, but I attempt to do this without infringing on others' happiness.

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If you read this entire thing then an upvote would be appreciated! More karma always makes the account look more like a real person and less like a bot, you know?