I don't want you to read it but I have no other vent. And I dont wanna bother my close friends with it. So I just leave it here and... delete later.... nothing will get better or change anyways...

This is not to seek attention or pity or whatever. This is my mind just running... just being me at 3am (litterly).

All I want is to be Held by a girl. I don't get any hugs. Don't deserve them either. I just wanna lay down and have her hugging me. Telling me all us fine. That I don't have to pretend. That I can be me but that is obviously no good.

I just wish Inwould have the confidence and/or looks to be interesting enough. I as a person am not. I just am the boring fat moron from the neighbourhood that is just there. Replaceable in every way.

I wish i could snap my fingers and make it all leave. That my depression goes, my suicidal thoughts leave... but I can't. I just swallow it and go on. Be a man. You dont deserve anything anyways.... not a good life.. not love... no nothing. There isnt anyone for me. The moment a girl sees me or gets to know me id the moment they wanna leave too...

So now I just want to please. I try to be there for others. I got used to being used. So use me for your pleasure... I gladly help with body and soul. I don't care what happends to me. Just accept me as the thing that gives you the good feeling because I can't allow myself to have any...

So many things i wish..... I just wish I could remove my high Libido, let my Sex drive die. I wont use it anymore anyways... my only time was my thing half in my ex gf because of size difference... never again since then... never got a bj... no nothing anymore... if that sounds selfish then sorry... i try to be better...

I am fine. I always have been. I dont wanna talk.