I keep forgetting this place is a thing. I have been spending weeks dealing with a sociopathic father who is chasing addiction and demanding my bandwidth. I do not want to push him away because I already had to cut my mother out ages ago, but they are cut from the same cloth. He alienated my sister and me for years so he could use us separately, ensuring we did not have each other for support. My therapist and closest friends feel I need to cut him off. As soon as he is out of the hospital (he had to be hospitalized after three consecutive overdosing following major back surgery) I am stripping him of access to me. I need a break from the demands, the emotional rollercoaster, the constant lying, and the constant rewriting of history.

At least right now I work from home so no one can see the effects he has on me. I am looking for a new job for better pay and I cannot have him calling me and making me feel guilty that I won't drop everything to g buy him an orange crush (I live 60 miles away)

I turn 45 on April 1st, and I do feel like the king of fools. I forego my health, my well-being and my financial safety for a guy who left when I was 3. I am trying to find a healthy outlook, a place of safety where I can heal from the trauma rollercoaster both of my parents put me on. When I worked with clients as a therapy mentor I had this feeling of understanding and insight. I look at my situation and all I see is a lonely middle-aged man, who still picnics in the cemetery and wants to be loved by people who put him in foster care so they could chase their addiction.