And before I catch ridicule I don't deserve, I don't mean quirky haha kind of femcel. I mean actual bitter, shitty, mentally ill loner that self sabotages until she gives up and just becomes a goblin that hates men and romance, and lives for youtubers and guns. Now, on to the ridicule I deserve.

My last few relationships I think influenced me in a possibly traumatic(?) way. I am so used to talking down high strung basket cases and learning how to navigate the irrationality of mental illness that I've developed a ridiculous amount of patience for these kinds of things. Most of my female friends in high school and actual girlfriends were femcel types, or had BPD. Because of that, it feels like I've been programmed to be there for people like that. I wish there was some unhappy, incapable, self sabotaging disaster of a person that I could sit and listen to for hours and maybe brighten her day. I think I long to care for someone; and not in the monetary kind of way (can't do that anymore anyway). I want a woman to cook for, to bathe, to teach basic skills to, and to make her feel safe even when she has meltdowns or can't figure out what she wants. I want to help her improve until she surpasses the need for me. And I think it's because maybe it's all I've ever known, but I'm not mad that I've only had unstable partners. I'm so used to it that I almost want it.

One thing that managed to floor me is the "femcel phenotype" meme. It describes so many things I like on a woman. I'd actually like a scruffy girl like that. The tomboyish, make up free, disheveled, crotch-bearded, dainty dork thing is actually really cute in my opinion. So that's my retard take of the day (among others probably).

Another thing I've noticed with femcels is their hobbies. Femcels have remarkably similar interests to my own: Firearms, warhammer, "dude" video games, and I've noticed more often than not that there's a poet or artist hidden inside too, which I love. The loneliness and wishy washy contrarian desires for both companionship and solitude is also something I understand very well.

I think there has to be some selfish aspect to the idea of wanting to be the one to make people feel better about themselves, or erase the idea that they've missed out on certain experiences. Being the guy that built a woman up so many times has me just searching for exactly that when I'm alone and idle. I tend to be left behind when people who were in a rough place start to feel better about life, which sucks. There's only so many times someone you gave years of your life to can tell you they aren't desperate enough to want you anymore, but I haven't found that number because I don't really feel owed anyway. That's not to say I don't wish to god I could find someone that actually wants and loves me, because I really do. Like I said, maybe it's trauma, but I just unironically like the idea of taming femcels. And unlike desperate guys here on reddit, I actually have the patience for all of it and know what it entails. The rejection, the meltdowns, the insults, the crying, the disappearing for weeks because she went to a mental hospital, offering support when she gets out, being there when she quits her meds again... All of it. I've been a punching bag my whole life, so I have thick enough skin for it. So yeah, I'm probably traumatized. Anyway, here I am, a guy that likes burdening himself with crazy women because it's the only thing that stops him from turning into one.