So, my heart feels really heavy tonight. I've been reading the wonderful "The Bride was a Boy" and the trans girl got 3 types of surgery- GAS(Gender Affirming Surgery), a mamoplasty, and a trachea shave.

There's a TLDR at the bottom, I apologize for my rambly self

GAS or Gender Affirming Surgery has also been referred to as SRS(Sexual Reassignment Surgery), GRS(Gender Reassignment Surgery), or just "getting a sex change". Its really dependent on who you talk to. I prefer GAS(sad acronym, unfortunately) because its just surgery that affirms my gender. Im not changing my gender, im female right now with a penis. Not changing my sex, cause it's cosmetic in nature.
Mamoplasty or "boob job" This one seems self-explanatory to majority of ppl, as its a pretty common surgery that a ton of cis and trans women get for a variety of reasons.
Lastly, trachea shave This one, I admit, I dont know the best but essentially they shave off a bit of the bone in the trachea, effectively making your adams apple smaller.
Now, lets talk about my relationship with these...

Gender Affirming Surgery- early on in my transition, before I even started taking HRT, I wanted to consider it. And I came to the conclusion that if I ever felt I could look like a cis woman and there was no doubt, then I would. Because if anyone was like, "wait, you're not a girl!" I could just point at my dick like its my excuse for not being good enough. But without it, if someone questioned my legitimacy as a woman, and I didnt have it... then Id just be a failure, and not good enough to be a woman. Then people started wanting me to use my dick, and I started liking it, but I really dont use my dick except on rare occasions, and I can always use a dildo. "Oh, no! But the novelty of a girl with a dick!" It should be about what I want, what's best for me  and if my partners dont want that, that's their problem. Still, this is very expensive,  and risky, and scary so I really dont think I can ever get it. Next..

Mamoplasty- I kinda expected HRT to help with this, and also really dont like the idea of having "fake breasts" but at the end of the day, my chest is so flat it's upsetting, it just makes my shoulders look even wider than they already are and my lack of curves just gives me more dysphoria... and finally..

Trachea Shave- So we come to the surgery I am considering. My Adam's apple is very pronounced, its something ive been self-conscious of, even before I started to transition. And has often been what people point to being like "You're not actually a girl!" Throughout my transition, I wore a mask everywhere, and about 10 months ago, I stopped using my mask. It was scary, and I felt insecure about it, until I started wearing scarfs. They're sometimes common in winter, and not so much during any other season. We're now getting into the heart of Summer, and I'm wearing a scarf every single day, mostly cause I never get a day off work. And..

Well, I might look a lot more like a woman if my adams apple wasn't sticking-out, hideously, like a fucking boner or something. But, I REALLY love my voice(when its cooperating) and was even afraid to get my tonsils removed at this point because "what if my voice is damaged?" There are a couple types of throat surgeries that trans women can get; I heard horror-stories of those who attempt getting surgery done on their vocal chords, and thankfully, just training your voice is good enough.

But, now, I am considering getting a shave, and starting to look into it more. For one, it's the least expensive of these surgeries. And, I like playing with my voice, but it's clear I'm not "good" at it. Like, I could never do it professionally, or even as a "lucrative" hobby. And, GWA relies on my voice being at 100% or near to it, for recording. But, in every day life, my voice is "fine" perhaps that's why whenever I tell people, "oh..my voice isn't the best right now." they always respond with "you sound fine." "You sound the same as always to me." etc.

So, my feelings are, if my voice is damaged during the surgery...it would really just mean my recording days are over. I can still present as female irl, and probably talk like one, too. Now, if I felt like my voice was more precious, maybe I'd be more scared or concerned..whatever, im rambling, Im sure no one actually cares or has input on the matter.

Lastly, I'm really concerned that this could be a 'gateway' for me, frankly, that's the most scary part. If I get a shave...will I get a boob job? Will I get GAS? Will I keep going and even possibly go for FFS(Facial Feminization Surgery)? And will I just desire all these things but of course, can't afford them? I really...don't know.

TLDR:
Thinking about getting my adam's apple shaved. Im pretty old, so even if the surgery goes bad. Worst case scenario, I die. It's not like I got much to lose. I'd be more concerned about damaging my voice(the surgery shouldn't affect my voice at all) but it's not like my voice is anything more than a bit fun. I can't make money with my voice, and I can't really gain any kind of followers/friends because of it, so again, not much to lose in that regard.