So this happened a few years ago but lately I have been thinking about it a lot and I figured writing it down might help and I am also interested in hearing your honest takes on it. I am also not really sure this fits here, but lots of it feels like sexual assault so I didnt know where else to put it.

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I didnt have the most „straight“ educational path, usually youd go primary and then secondary school here, until you finish your A-Levels (qualifications for university) when you are around 18. Took me a bit longer, I changed a few schools so in the end I got to a boarding school when I was eighteen and had three years left. Part of the reason I switched schools so often was because I wasnt exactly popular, except as a victim of bullying, I somehow managed to be a top choice in that department every time. As you can imagine, that took a toll on my self esteem and brought a few mental problems with it. Self-destructive tendencies for example, depression, attention deficits, to name a few.

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That school was mainly for two kinds of people. One, people who, like me, had difficulties with the "regular" academical path or two, for people who had finished school with a lesser degree beforehand and worked after that. Most people were around my age or a bit older, I think the oldest student of my year was 25 and the youngest turned 18 a few weeks prior to the begin of the year. Roommates were always similar in age, two of the women in my room were 19, the other was the same age as me (18). Like me as well, most of the students were there because they didnt really know where they wanted to go with their lives or because it felt like the last best chance to get the degree to go to university later. So while technically everyone was there of their own volition and could leave if they wanted to, for me at least it did not feel like I really had anywhere else to go, especially since my parents told me if I didnt go through with that Id have to get by on my own without them. So, to be clear, everyone at this school was an adult, even though we were still students.

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Anyway, so I arrived at the boarding school quite a way away from where my parents lived, so I only went home for the bigger holidays (summer, christmas, easter). All was fine at first, I lived with three other women in a room and it was clear from the beginning that they were much more outgoing and confident than I was. When I wasnt in class, I usually sat on my bed and read a book or did my homework and was glad to be left alone. That worked out for a few weeks, but I guess at some point people noticed that I would be easy prey and especially my roommates started picking on me. Not really significant at first, just some remarks, talking down on me, but it progressed. At some point I was the one doing their homework for them, because the times when i did that were times when I was mostly left alone.

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I do not want to make this too long, but basically it was all the typical bullying. Insults, hair-pulling, when no teacher was around also embarassing me in public like tripping me or pulling down my skirt/pants or spilling something nasty on me, taking my school stuff or homework, or hiding my clothes after gym class, stuff like that. And I never stood up for myself. I was used to being treated like that, that was basically normal for me so I just tried my best to ignore it.

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That went on for about a year like that, but the second easter holidays there were what I think really broke me. My parents were on vacation themselves so I did not have a reason to go home, staying at the school at least had the benefit of not having to cook for myself on most days and whether at home or at the school, Id have been inside reading most of the time anyway. And ofcourse, Id have had to pay for the train tickets home, which were costly too. Two of my roommates went home and I dont know if the third knew I was staying and stayed because of that or if that was coincidence, but she was there during the holidays too. We were like a total of 200 students at the boarding school and during the holidays I think maybe ten and just one teacher/adult who mostly kept to their office so we basically had the whole school and grounds for ourselves. Nowadays I am fairly certain that my roommate is at least partially sociopathic but im no doctor so I cant be sure. The first morning of the holidays she poured dirty cleaning water (like after you wipe floors and such) into my wardrobe all over my clothes so I only had my pyjamas to wear. Which wouldn't have been a big problem, but I also had no underwear to change into anymore. During the whole holidays she became very „hands on“, in a much more sexual way than any time before. Like, slapping my ass or breasts when I walked past, sometimes she threw her dirty underwear at me or on my bed.

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Well that all escalated a bit and I, again, did nothing to stop it. A few days before the end of the holidays at night I suddenly woke up and it took me a while to realise, but she was basically sitting on my face and had a hand down my nightwear and was fingering me. I tried to fight her off but she was both heavier and stronger than me, and in a much more advantageous position and when she punched me a few times in my stomach and told me to be still I stopped struggling. I had to lick her pussy, which definitely hadnt been cleaned properly in a few days until she came and even after that she remained sitting on my face for a while. I wasn't sure what she was waiting for, until suddenly she begain pissing all over my face and body, and obviously my bed. After that she got down and went to sleep, leaving me soaked and crying in my bed. When school began again she also told everyone how I had wet my bed during the holidays (and obviously everyone believed her, not me. Not that I said anything substantial against it..)

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I think all that bullying shaped who I am today, especially who I am sexually. Nowadays I have an extreme kink for degradation and for being exploited in every way (my time, financially, sexually, and so on), my needs absolutely ignored and just abused for someone elses pleasure. And while I dont really get bullied anymore nowadays (I am 25 now), most of the time I just get ignored and to me, thats worse. Being bullied was attention at least, even if I hated every second of it, at least I wasnt alone. And I tried different doms, and that works for a while, but eventually fades and doesnt scratch that itch anymore. So what I have been thinking about is contacting her again, and I know that on the one hand it would be really stupid to do so, but I also think nobody could make me feel the same way. Like, sending her a message and inviting her back into my life, just to see what happens.

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This got way longer than I expected, but if you read through here, Id love to hear your thoughts, and if you have any questions or want more details on anything, you can ask too. Messages/chat/comments all fine by me.