I still remember the first time I met her. We got overpriced pizza and tea at a cafe. We immediately bonded over our mutual experiences in teaching, the gossip about other teachers and good and bad students. We walked around the city a bit afterwards, my heart racing as she wrapped her arm around mine. As we walked back to my car, I mentioned how I wanted to show my appreciation since it was International Womens Day. At first she was only open to cuddling in my car, as she was unsure of the age difference between us, something completely understandable for me given our professions. Eventually, though, after cuddling turned into kissing which turned into more, she had me get a hotel, and we spent the rest of the night together.

We had some ups and downs, but the next 4 months were filled with fun little dates, daily texting, asking each other silly questions and sharing fun facts. Despite going through some rough times at work, these were some of the best few months for me. Unfortunately it couldn't last forever. We were supposed to end things a few weeks ago, after a great vacation spent together. We said our goodbyes. Until it hurt too much. We had agreed to keep texting for a few days, and on the last day, after consistently telling her how much I'd miss her, we decided to keep going for a few weeks before she was leaving town for a bit.

We had our last date yesterday. Pretty simple, spent the night together, got brunch, went to the movies, and ended off with ice cream. I took her home, had one last kiss goodbye, and watched as she walked away from my car. She didn't look back. I'm kind of glad she didn't, it would have just made it that much harder.

Today was the first day in nearly 4 months where I didn't have someone to text about my day. I didn't get to share that I got off of work early for the holiday tomorrow. Or complain about how bad traffic was. I spent the day watching her last telegram messages to me slowly disappear one by one as a full 24 hours finally passed since I last saw her.

I'm not sure how to describe the feeling. Sadness, for sure. But more than that. When I listen to music I can hear meaning in the lyrics for her. Hearing the songs that would play while I drive and thinking of her. I don't know what the purpose of this post is. I don't know if she'll ever see this. I don't know if anyone will ever read this. Maybe just as a way to memorialize this, not that I'll need the help remembering her.

I'm not sure if she'll look back on my profile. But if you ever do end up seeing this, the answer to the last question you asked me: a picnic with all of her favorite foods, took her to a bookstore to get matching books to read when she left town, and bought her a bookmark that I put in a book of poems, writings, and doodles I made for her.

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💕 Puppy 💕