I often do things that make no sense and don't know why until after. Sometimes it is long after. Today I realized I have been blindly shedding responsibilities as fast as I can for over 2 years. I don't have a goal in mind but at some point this was how I decided to go about reducing stress in my life. I don't know why or really when. I know it started before the pandemic but only just before. I feel like I should tell someone but I don't have anyone to tell.

All I have left to worry about are my daughter and my soon to be ex wife. When I'm done what comes next? start over? just being free seems unrealistic.

I need to be wanted. Being needed is too much responsibility and will certainly push me away. When I remove things that make me needed I find I am no longer wanted. I believe this is the emotional need that is driving my depression. I am unwanted and only sometimes needed and when I am needed I feel responsible and miserable.