I’m a mid 40s mother with 2 grown kids exploring sexuality, sensuality, and ethical non-monogamy with my husband of 20 years.

I don’t Snap, Kik, Skype, Zoom, show my face, or send photos. I don’t sell or have Onlyfans or anything like that. I won’t share any social media or phone numbers or anything too personal. If I want to see your dick I’ll ask for it.

I’m not your mommy or your baby and you’re not my daddy. I don’t want or need a dom or an owner. I’m not a slut, I’m my husband’s slut; that’s an important distinction.

I will never meet anyone from Reddit. Reddit and real life must remain separate. I won’t tell you my city or even which state (or province) I live in to help protect my anonymity.

My husband and I have been together over 20 years. We lost our virginities to each and married very young, in part due to a strict religious upbringing, and until very recently have been each other’s first and only. Until just a few months ago I had never seen another penis and he had never kissed another woman. I had kissed more women than he had! We talked about exploring 10–12 years ago, leaning towards swinging (because that’s what couples do - or so we thought). We went on a pair of dates with another couple but nothing came of it and I honestly recall nothing about them or the dates. They made that little of an impression to me. Hubby says we met at a restaurant for dinner the first time and went bowling the second time. We eventually went to a swingers hotel takeover party and were pretty shocked about how public some of the sex was. We were totally unprepared to see 4 or 5 guys getting blowjobs on the side of the pool in what we believe must have been a race. We didn’t stick around long enough to find out who won. We were too young and I was so innocent. That ended that exploration though we continued to talk about it and fantasize about it off and on over the years. We both knew that we had a few wild oats to sow and neither of us took advantage of the few opportunities to do so when we were young. Though Hubby actually declined participating in an MFM threesome in high school.

In early 2022 my husband approached me one evening and said we needed to talk. He seemed very serious about whatever it was, which had me very concerned. Eventually he confessed to me that he had created a dating profile on an app he’d heard about on a podcast that focused more on threesomes and kink as well as poly, swinging, bdsm, and other alternative lifestyles (Feeld via The Savage Love podcast). He had secretly created a profile a few months earlier and had started to make a few connections and wanted to come clean before anything further happened (including replying to any chat requests). If I had said no that would have been the end of it, he would have deleted the profile and the app. I was a bit hesitant at first but was open to the idea and became somewhat intrigued after looking at some of the profiles and we talked and learned a bit more about ethical non-monogamy (ENM) which in our case encompasses threesomes with men and women and (hopefully) foursomes with other couples and the opportunity to potentially explore my bisexual side.

We talked about things further and established some ground rules that we thought would work for us and our relationship and I eventually created my own profile. I was certain that nobody was going to like my profile but I was quickly proven very wrong. He says he was afraid he was gonna have to drag me along kicking and screaming but now he’s afraid he’s created a monster and is having trouble keeping up.

We’ve played with a few single guys and a couple of single girls. Haven’t found the right couple yet but we’re still looking.

You may not agree with these rules but they work for us and our relationship and for our dynamic:

•Nobody under 30. Somewhat related to maturity but also because we have kids approaching their 20s so folks in their 20s are off limits. It’s just too weird.

•No existing friends, no coworkers.

•We only date and play together but I can date and play solo with bi women to explore my bi side. I have done this and so far have found that I lean more towards heteroflexible than bi. Women are soft and fun and smell and taste great but it’s just more fun with a guy present too. Even with another couple our preference would be for an MFFM foursome, essentially a mini orgy. We’re not interested in swapping at this point as it’s important that we explore and experience things together. Plus the thought of 8 hands and 4 mouths sounds like a whole lot of fun for everyone involved.

•We’re demisexual, we prefer to have a bit of an emotional connection before getting physical. We prefer to meet casually in public first for drinks or dinner of coffee to get a feel for attraction, chemistry, and comfort. We’re not looking for a commitment or relationship but we’re also not interested in one night stands or just hookups. FWB is fairly accurate. Ongoing and occasional. We prefer to start fairly slow and build from there. Penetration is likely off the table the first time or two we play with someone.

•Our dynamic is probably closest to Stag/Vixen or possibly Hotwife. Hubby is straight and it’s not a cuckold relationship. When we have threesomes all 3 people are equal participants. We’re open to any and all races, previous play partners have been Latino, African American, Indian, Arabic, and white.

•I’m not a size queen. Hubby is a fair amount above average but average is just fine. A guy could have a very large cock but if I don’t have chemistry and trust and comfort it’s not going to happen.

•We both have absolute veto powers for any reason or for no reason. This has only been used once and we both independently arrived at the same conclusion at the same time. Several things happened back to back that were not good for Hubby’s mental health so we mutually decided to veto someone that we had been growing close to and to reinforce some of our existing rules to hopefully prevent something similar happening again in the future. Our relationship takes priority over everything else. You can call it couple's privilege or whatever you want to call it but that's just how it has to be for us. We're not willing to risk 20 years together. We have no secrets. If one of us decides tomorrow that our adventures are over it's over.

•Every contact and every message is shared. I have access to his phone and all of his accounts and messages and he has access to all of mine.

•Our bed is our bed. We also have teenagers at home (who never leave the house) so hosting isn’t an option for us anyway. Our children are aware that we’re ENM but we don’t rub it in their faces.

•We have a pair of codes that we can use to subtly communicate our level of comfort and attraction during a casual date without the other party knowing that they’re being judged and rated. Ratings range from 1 (this person is a serial killer and we need to block them as soon as possible) to 10 (this is absolutely someone we want to see again and hopefully get physical, as soon as possible). We also have an emergency rating of 12 (let’s get a hotel right now! - this has been used only once and I semi-regret it as in hindsight it wasn’t the best experience).

We do have a few hard limits but nothing too crazy. We’re reasonably kinky and open to quite a bit.

•Nothing with feet

•No blood or bathroom stuff

•Nothing painful or they will leave bruises or other marks

•Nothing too rough or degrading (choking, fisting, spitting, slapping, spanking, name calling, etc). A playful smack on the ass or a hand on my throat applying just a bit of pressure can be fun under the right circumstances and Hubby will sometimes call me his slut but there’s a big difference between being a slut and his slut.

•I don’t like cum in my mouth (I’m working on it)

•Hubby is straight so no intentional guy-guy contact

Happy to answer any questions that you might have, though I reserve the right to not answer and/or be somewhat vague to protect my privacy.