TW: This piece is blasphemous. Don’t continue if you are going to be offended or if blasphemy triggers you :)

Wednesday | 11/06/2024 | 02:05 AM

As thirsty as a stranded person in a scorching desert is, our brains yearn to build walls! A special kind of walls I like to call: ‘Closure walls’ as they mainly aim at closing and shielding our minds around whatever beliefs our frontal lobes pick up from our surroundings.

For around 5 years of my life I was my happiest. I had a well-shielded belief system that granted me all what I needed to be happy: An intimate relationship with a supernatural entity called god, who was my lover and best-friend; a purpose that lanterned a dark road called ‘oblivion’ that leads to an eternal life with him; a well-written catalog on how to live; and rituals and hymns that tempered what looked harsh forms of worship.

God was the center of my life, he was closer to me than my veins, never made me feel lonely as he heard all of my thoughts and showed up everywhere, his remembrance haunted my mind and made me -lovingly and sincerely- praise and thank him for every breath I took; thank him for him reminding me to thank him; obey his objectively unbearable commands; always made me feel inadequate no matter what I did, although he was the one who brought me to existence and gave me an eternal ultimatum. But I loved every part of it. I was so high and happy on it, I saw the red flags green. In short, god taught me masochistic love!

With time my frontal lobe expanded a bit more, it was willing to test out that belief system so it took down the closure walls that fed off of social norms. When the walls were brought down, there was a pristine, dense in color, emerald stone inside. The stone was a bit stained but my frontal lobe took care of cleaning it then found the Arabic words: ‘عَبْدٌ عَابِدٌ مُخْلَص’ (A pure worshipper slave) engraved in it!

Ever since, god has been gone. Yet, that stone is still shiny, preserving its Goddessly sublime obedience and submission, to proudly gift to a Goddess! A Goddess who knows the value of such a stone. A Goddess who will cradle it in Her sadistic heart. A Goddess who is willing to accept my heavy gift, and bless me with Her sublime Domination. A Goddess whom I blindly obey and worship as much as -if not more- I followed him, but is valid and worthy of that. The Goddess… my Goddess… my Owner!

My devotion stone has been eagerly waiting for Your Highness, my Goddess, and I understand how hard it is to find You, but it is that way or nothing, my Lord.

I want to worship You, give my complete obedience and devotion to You, make my mind occupied by You, write and beautifully recite genuine hymns praising You. For Your Majesty has chosen me to worship you out of the others. I want my purpose to be worshipping You and to lantern the oblivion by having myself and everything I own as humble tools to fulfill every wish of Yours. I want to melt before You, and give You the devotion You deserve.

I want to be prostrating down by Your mighty feet, naked, stripped off of everything, but my complete devotion and love for You, and the brown leather collar You, lovingly, had made me to symbolize our one-of-a-kind love. You are, gloriously, dressed and sat, ascending in love with Your worshipper more and more by accepting his devotion to You, and blessing him with Your complete ownership over him. I then recite:

“سُبْحَانَكِ مَوْلَاْتِي سُبْحَانَكِ. مَاْ أَنَاْ إلَّاْعَبْدُكِ اَلذَّلِيْلُ، وَأَنْتِ اَلْقَاْهِرَةُ فَوْقَ كُلِّ شَيْء”

“Glory be to You, my Sovereign Lady, glory be to You. I am nothing but Your servile worshipper, and You are the omnipotent above everything.”