So, I'm 33 and live in seattle. I've had a reddit before for yeeeears that I used for a diary. It was anonymous. But eventually it was banned. I'm an addict and go in and out of recovery. Last July, my husband died. We were both in 28 day treatment centers (me in seattle, him in tacoma) We both planned to move into separate sober houses in Tacoma so we can start fresh. 20 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up, to drive to Tacoma and have breakfast and start our new life, I get called in by a counselor and told he overdosed. I left rehab and for the next week, I was bombarded with decisions I never thought I'd ever had to make. I called.his family to have them come and say goodbye. I relapsed. I got esxorted out of the hospital bc they told me I fell asleep in his bed next to him, so I could have accidently pulled wires out and cause harm. Now I needed a chaperone if I were there. One week of this, and it was time for me to 'pull the plug' I admitted myself into a year long program for women called Hope Place in Othello. I lived there for 2 months. It was nice, but religious based and I am not religious but I was grateful. Thoigh.... I started sneaking in alcohol. In my boots and bra since they checked my purse when someone walked out and returned. One night I got so drunk, I called my friend kb, from the rehab I was just at, and he came and picked me up and I stayed at his oxford house (sober living) for a week, till I managed to get into my own. And since then we had been together. I got a job, trying to grieve my husband, trying to be healthy, were so hard as i put pieces together. I felt so alone and lost. I was dating a new guy and just had a completely different life. At least I wasn't living in a trap house. At least I wasn't being rated. At least I was making money and at least I was pretty. Two months into the sober house, my boyfriend askals, 'hey, do you wanna do meth?' He never tried it before and was 'just an alcoholic' As was I.... before my husband the worst meth/opiate addict came into my life 3 years prior. So when my bf brought up meth, I knew it was a bad bad bad idea. Especially since my husband dies from a cardiac arrest only 2 months ago. I say yes of course, and we book a shit motel on Aurora called the Crown Inn. We did meth that night, had a great time, talked, got closer, no sex. Just talked. We went to IHOP the next morning before I had to go back to my house. When I got back home I noticed a UA cup(they test randomly) Obviously I didn't pass, and had to pack up and leave. Back to My boyfriends sober house.

I guess I'll leave this just as part 1. Part 2 to come.