C,

I know you've seen the messages I've sent. I got no reply, which stings a little, but I have to remind myself that I didn't write them to get a reply. I wrote them to share with you.... so you would know how I'm feeling. Usually, when I write to you it's because I can't move on without getting my thoughts and feelings out to you. A lot of times it's the middle of the night and I can't go to sleep until I say what I need to say to you.

It doesn't stop me from wondering what your reaction is when you read them, though. Are you annoyed that I can't seem to let go? Am I derailing you from whatever progress you've made with yourself and with K? I sincerely hope it's neither of these. I hope I bring a smile to your face. I hope when you think of me it's a happy thought instead.

Despite me missing you still every day I am really doing well, and I can only hope you are too. I talked to B and he told me you retired and moved on. I hope this new position is exciting and challenging in all the ways I know you need it to be. I hope that work gives you that feeling of purpose and fun all over again and fills you in the way you need to be filled.

I'm going back to school on Monday. It's been a great summer. J and I have been meeting a ton of new people this summer and have been attending and hosting parties pretty much every weekend. I have a man in my life who calls me his girlfriend and tells me he loves me, even if I can't seem to get myself to that same place with him. He's fun, but just not that same kind of thing we had. But I have a feeling that what we had was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing... which is okay. That just means it will always be special.

Tomorrow night J is taking me to see Brandi Carlile. I warned him that it might bring back memories of you and us. I told him he can pass if he wants, but he said he wants me to experience her live, even if it might be emotional or filled with feelings and memories. I'll be thinking of you the whole time, but I'll be trying to keep it to happy memories, thinking about how lucky I was to know you and be your girl for a short time at least. Thank you for giving me what you did during that time. Thank you for helping me love myself. I'll always owe that to you.

Love you always,
Ro🌸