C,

You texted me today. You gave me the news I've been worried about and thinking about for weeks. I'm worried about you, but also glad you thought to tell me. That I'm still important enough in your life and your thoughts to know that I'd really want to... need to... know.

You also said some really beautiful things to me. I've been re-reading them all afternoon. I saved them in chat and will read them whenever I miss you and start to doubt how you feel or where you are. You told me you'd always love me. You said I'm so important to you. You told me there's a place in your heart that's all mine and that I'm part of you. You also thanked me for being me. Those are the words I want to hold onto in the lonely nights.

You also said your situation was irreconcilable. I hear you. But that scares me so much. It sounds like goodbye. I don't want to hear goodbye. I want to hold onto you forever. Even if that means we only talk every couple of months and only see each other every couple of years, I don't want goodbye. I know you hold me in your heart. You're in mine too, but I also need you physically in my life. I need to be able to hold onto that hope for the next time we are together and everything just clicks and feels right again.

So when we talk next... please avoid goodbye. I can't hear it. I won't hear it. I'm not ready. And I don't think I ever ever will be.

Holding you in my heart,
Ro 🌸