C,

At first, I thought maybe you didn't have time to respond. Maybe K was only gone for a minute. But Snapchat betrays you. You were on there longer than it took to look at my message. You had time for a reply. You know silence kills me. But yet you do it anyway. I went out of my way to do something nice... share my heart. And I wind up feeling ghosted.

I told you I'd hold space for you.. for us. And you told me you'd let me know when I should stop. I really hope you hold to that, because letting me hold space for something that isn't going to happen is cruel. I hurt enough missing you, wondering what's going on, but moving forward with no intention of coming back for me and not letting me know is just mean. But, do my feelings matter? Sometimes I wonder if they do... if they ever did.

You've told me before that you know I deserve great love and that you can't give me that. I think I'm finally facing that. I always loved you with my full and complete heart. But you never gave that back to me consistently. There was always something in the way. You could have. You could have given me the love I deserve, but you had other things that always took priority over that. I still hold out hope that one day you'll see it. One day you'll make it happen. Because when I saw glimpses of it, it was beautiful. So beautiful I'd do anything to get it. But are you capable of sharing that with me? Will you ever be?

I'm making more space. More space for you to do your thing. You know where to find me. But I'm no longer waiting holding my breath and hoping anymore. I'll be here. You have my heart. I don't get to choose that. I gave it to you, and I won't ask for it back. But it's up to you. I can't chase something that probably wasn't ever there in the first place. Not anymore. I'm worth way more than that. I deserve someone who will move mountains for me... not someone who will ignore the fact that I'm over here moving those same mountains for them.

Love always,

Ro 🌸