C,

It’s been a while since I’ve had one of those nights where I can’t sleep at all, but last night I was up, so I typed this out to you on Telegram. I’m moving it here so it’s available to you on your terms and less like me contacting you. As soon as I typed it out I fell back asleep, though… so I’m glad I got to reach out. For once, it worked.

Can’t sleep tonight and the memories are flooding in. I miss you so much right now. I’ve gotten to the point where the days aren’t as hard as they used to be. I’ve accepted this is how it needs to be even if it’s not what “selfish me” would like. But sometimes the nights are just so hard….

Remember those first few conversations we had? When we were falling for each other… sharing, and not holding back, showing each other our whole selves?? I’ve never met anybody I could do that with… only you.

Remember writing to me on your flight to Hawaii? I loved that stream of consciousness you shared, knowing you couldn’t get me off your mind. Then those early morning calls while you ran and walked in Hawaii… sharing time with me before your day began…

Remember our first kiss?? You walking me to the passenger side of your truck, and leaning in… I knew it would be magic when our lips met, but wow… I’ll never forget it.

Remember our road trips? That moment in the car from Oklahoma to St. Louis when “The Story” came on and you were looking into my eyes, pulling me closer… then my alarm went off and ruined our moment making both of us laugh. Then driving from charlotte to SC… I loved getting that extra time with you. I always tried to savor every moment I got…. I wish I did that better now… there have been so many moments lost that could have been handled better…. Handled with more care.

I think DC was my favorite trip though. The time spent walking with you, relaxing into each other, getting time with Jess… my two guys, together. The concert, the way you held me during that show was magical and I’ll never forget the way your arms felt around me that night…

I feel truly lucky to have been loved by you. Nobody can take those moments from me. I’ll have them forever… and I can only hope some day, against all odds, we will be able to make memories together again.

What do you remember most? What keeps you up in the middle of the night?

Love, Ro 🌸